Wednesday, March 25, 2009

A Happy Man

"The thing I truly need the most is passion. Whatever I am doing, I have to be deeply passionate about it. Otherwise, I feel as if I am dead."
(from: "How Sex and Passion Transformed Me by D. Rose - same point I am making here but some more eloquence)

On a scale from 1 to 10 - how happy are you?

If your answer is less than 8, you should take a moment and reflect.

I know this sounds like chick crack, and indeed it is, but there is a serious side to my question. A very serious side.

Cheesy as it sounds - life is too short to waste time in a happiness state that low.

We all know that.

However, almost none of us act accordingly.


Because HOPE is easier than WILL. Because it hurts to admit that the path you're on is not the right one. It is harder to make adjustments and changes than to compromise. We fear that we will lose the little we have instead of getting more.

We endure prolonged periods of unhappiness because we always believe that "things will get better". But why wait?

This is not a self-help, RSD-type, new agey "get your act together" post for slackers.

Au contraire.

Happiness does not require hard work. But it does require sex (for most guys).

Here is a true deep rapport story of mine: I was one of the guys who believed that I do not have a job, but "a calling". I did not "work for the money", I worked out of pure "intrinsic motivation". I practically lived at the office, and I felt bad when not showing up on weekends or taking more than just a few days of vacation. I was unhappy most of the time, but I "looked ahead".

I wasted the best years of my life like that.

I wasted my health, too. My stomach revolted against the fast food, irregular meals taken while walking or typing single handed on my computer, the coffee, the stress, the lack of a proper social life. I got fat, my girl friend of several years left me for someone less "burnt out"and soon I found myself at the hospital.

The chronic acid reflux had burnt a hole into my stomach, and attacked the cells in my esophagus so badly that they were about to turn cancerous. When my doc returned, she did not know for sure the ulcer was benign, and her prognosis for my esophagus was sobering: "as much as a 79% chance of developing cancer in 6 years". A very deadly cancer.

You see, this is where I got in touch with the community. And now, years later, I feel entitled to tell you about happiness. Because today I am a happy man.

What does this have to do with women and sex? A lot.

How do you get happy?

It is all about biology (again).

You are an organism, shaped over millions of years of fierce competition between your ancestors and other organisms. As a result, evolution has left you programmed with feelings of pleasure and content ("happiness") in order to make you do things that are beneficial to win the competition.

For a biologist an organism is just a vehicle. An "ex and hop" soma that is used by genes to get from one generation to the next. Happiness is nothing but the result of living in a way that is in line with that "purpose" of yours.

A career is nothing but one way of getting there. Being successful, powerful and rich (and teh confidence that comes with it) definitely increases the mating market chances of a man. Our genes tell us to go for it accordingly.

It is also the kind of activity that society benefits from the most. As a result, you will get a lot of social approval for taking that route.

But it is not the only way to get successful with girls. And for many men the ultimate goal - achieving high sexual success - becomes secondary to the power, money and all else that is linked to societal success rather than biological success.

Now, while money can add a lot of convenience to your life, I have seen many more guys who professionally successful who suffer (in fact, I am surrounded by them). They soon realize that their power is often limited (to their work place) and that after achieving a certain standard of living, there is little to get from extra money. These guys yearn for affection (and sex) - and they have become the prime target of the "seduction industry" that sells ridiculously overprized seminars and ebooks to rich guys who don't get laid.

Amazingly, I have never met a single guy who was sexually successful with a long face. Some of these guys had the crappiest jobs, and enough debt for a small town, but they lived their lives freely, unbound and with an unending experience of pleasure. And their happinness produced a positive feedback loop - the happier they were the more successful they became socially. Despite the envy of less attractive men, they are generally sought out for companionship. We all like to be around happy people. They attract us magically. Our own void of meaning, purpose in life makes us crave whatever others have found to fill it.

I am not denying that there are genetic factors in play when it comes to base happiness. I am also not denying that having a "calling" rather than a job will increase your overall happiness (I still see my job as a paid hobby). There is much more than sex to happinness (all I am saying is if you have a choice between long hours at the lab and a promising date with a young attractive sexual libertine - dont be stupid). One of the best sources on the web on this topic can be found HERE (note the focus on social interactions).

Being a man involves more than a big car, house and nice suits.

"Love life. Love yourself."

(Feel free to use as chick crack this Friday night - it works)

PS: If there is nothing else you can take from today's post, you might at least appreciate the following:
"Oookayyyy. Let's not waste any time here. On a scale from 1 to 10 - how good are you in bed?" is one of my favorite, fun and field-tested openers of mine. Free for your entertainment!
(BTW, most girls answer "7". No, seriously! Extra prize for those of you who can come up with a good follow up on that in the comments section...)


  1. What has made you so happy now? You got your old girlfriend back? You're confident enough to hit on petite Asian chicks? You stopped working weekends?

  2. What has made you so happy now?
    It's having reclaimed full control over my life (and 1)no 2)They are a far less bitch shielded subpopulation than most guys think; I will blog about Asian girl game soon 3)yes and whenever else I feel like it).

    There are some experiences I had thanks to learning game that I don't hope other guys will have to go through (involving knifes, jealous ex-boyfriends and massive disillusionment).

    But there are others that I strongly recommend.

    To cite a friend: "Every man should at least once in their lives go through the experience of having multiple girlfriends."

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