Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Reverse Game

"A pimp is really a whore who has reversed the game on whores."
[Iceberg Slim - Pimp]

It just takes one simple thing to become "good with women": Act like one.

Most guys approach the d/m/ating scene with a "fake-it-till-you-make-it-attitude" of the wrong kind. They have realized that "chicks dig jerks", so they try to be one.

A lot of bullshit advice out there tell guys to think "what would an asshole do?" accordingly. And they fail. And keep failing as women see right through their facade.

The key is to ask yourself "what would a woman do?"

Here are some behavioral differences between guys and women that exemplify my point:

Women are not afraid to talk to strangers.
"Approach anxiety" is something so completely male, women simple do not get it. Not approaching a woman who looks at you is seen as a rejection or extreme cowardice. Women have never experienced an inhibition to talk to strangers. Women talk. All the time. Just see what happens at the register of the local grocery store. Women enjoy social interactions. They are not afraid of it. This is true for the most socially awkward female (women never think of themselves as being socially awkward - they always attribute it to the situation and/or people they interact with). An attractive guy is someone who talks to whomever, whenever - just like a chatty chick.

Women are testing/seemingly selective
As stage two put it - a woman posing a provocative question is not just sassy. It is a magic weapon. The man can be Brad Pitt in person - if he falters, reacts emotionally or even just in the socially accepted (expected) way to her test, she will lose attraction. The result is that women can turn any attractive member of the opposite sex into an unattractive person in an instant. It is like turning a hot 9 into an ugly fat chick with the snap of a finger. This mechanism (while also being a curse to any horny girl who just wants to get laid) gives women a tremendous advantage in the mating game. Most men cannot help but feeling attracted to all the pretty girls around him. Women feel that there are very few attractive men out there - and hence seem more selective (even when their actually needy enough to go home fist themselves). A man who is able to not just fall for a woman's looks, but testing her words and actions with the true intend of rejecting her for a mere sentence he dislikes is irresistible to a woman. Again, note that most women do not realize that the interactions leading to sex are not relevant for a man's attraction. If you do not (give her the impression) that she needs to "qualify" and can lose you any moment by failing to respond wittily, she will assume that something is seriously wrong with you (since the opposite is so second nature to her), exactly as in the case when you did not even approach.

Sex is no big deal to women
This one is key, too. If you talk about sex before it happened, you are out. Sex is something "that happens". Dogs that bark, don't bite. Women love men who are casual about sex. This does not mean that women do not attach meaning to sex. Sex can be the deepest emotional experience to a woman she ever had (that's why the tears after orgasm). However, women are very well able to dissociate sex - even very satisfying sex - from making love. A woman will have no inhibitions to sex a guy who does not seem to be confused about the two. But if she assumes the guy is not the kind of man who just gets fucked, but needs emotion and relationships to get to that point - she will not sleep with him unless it is in that framework. Women enjoy men who are "liberal" in their sexual attitude.

Women are empathetic and emotional
This one may be surprise for guys who read a lot of PUA literature. Isn't a man supposed to be all masculine/macho?
Having no sign of feelings can be attractive to a woman indeed.
But a man who is (feigning) deep emotional experience while not being emotional (i.e. fully in control of his feelings) is the non plus ultra for any woman. Mind you, what a woman wants is both: a inseminating alpha with sociopathic traits and a caring beta with a big heart. Getting both at the same time is what women call romance.
the fact that this is simply not achievable in practice (because any alpha becoming beta is not alpha anymore) does not matter to female fantasy. This is why romance novels and chick flicks end at the wedding day - the woman does not even need to think about the betaization of the guy who was moronic enough to commit and thereby give up his "unattainable" status.
Simulating "beta" moments while remaining alpha is an art - and a lethal weapon for women craving commitment. Alphas can keep several women in their harem for long periods of time by quenching the beta-thirst of the women they met with alpha posture.

Women are irrational when it comes to sex/relationships
What drives most men insane, can be used for your own advantage. Stop assuming logic when it comes to sical interactions. Break the rules. Do not repond in predicatble ways. Never. The result will be tremendous attraction. This is what women call a "mysterious" man.
This is how most guys fail during pickup and later on in relationships:
SHE: Did you just check out her ass?
YOU: (looking at her) I was just - no. I didn't!
This is the correct way of dealing with the situation
SHE: Did you just check out her ass?
YOU: (looking at her) I was just - did someone recommend that eye liner to you or did you select it yourself?
Do not be afraid to be childish. Ever seen how women start smiling when everyone around seems happy - just because of that (like little kids)?
If you suggest to go "oustide and roll down the nearest hill", because "you feel like it", women assume that you are an adventurous man, mysterious and spontaneous. You will not be seen as what you are that moment - a child.

Women do not worry
Guys worry about carreer, money, mortgages and their dicks. Women do not worry about their lives. Women mind what others think of them. Women do think about what to wear and what to eat. But they do not worry about existential crashes and crises. Most women feel like there are people (mostly men) in their lives who will "fix things" if they go wrong. There will always be a daddy. Women need a dense social network - and assume that their "connections", not the money or carreer is what ensures that life's obstacles will be dealt with. Having a similar aura of carelessness is appealing to women. Unless you are supposed to be the guy who "fixes" things for her (which turns you unattractive).

These are just a few examples of how a (masculine) man can gain points by taking on some feminine behaviors.

These behaviors (i.e. being emotional, silly and careless) will work all the way to the bedroom despite the fact that even bisexual women crave masculinity once their pants are down. It is important to find the right balance between male and female behavior to not miss the tipping point, but as a general rule - the more masculine you are naturally, the more you will gain from employing female behaviors once in a while.

4 comments:

  1. Good post.

    I think, as you hint, the reason it's hard for guys to embrace acting like females do (in other words, capricious), is that they are insecure about their masculinity.

    One way around this is to just be incredibly masculine in your dress, appearance, body language, etc., and then capricious and carefree and uninhibited in your behavior. Hit the gym, have some snappy (but not dandy-ish) clothes, know how heavy your balls are, etc. Then when you're out with a girl you will feel comfortable enough to act like an unreliable carefree bitch. That shit is catnip.

    I'm naturally worry-free as a person, to a fault. I'm behind on some "manly" behaviors like financial planning that I am just finally getting in order. I used to view that as a failing (and of course in a sense it certainly is). But this post points out well how you can use such a trait to your advantage. I'll always have that well of not caring to tap into, even as I reluctantly get some of my other shit in order. Girls can't tell the difference and, moreover, they just don't care.

    They feel from their loins, god bless them.

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  3. Great post 11. Just bookmarked it, and plan to read it a few more times. All the PUA techniques etc are deemed unnecessary if a man can digest this and similar knowledge deep into his psyche.

    A few points I'd like to make:

    Women are not afraid to talk to strangers.
    "Approach anxiety" is something so completely male, women simple do not get it.


    With the exception of men they find attractive. In my observations, a woman will talk to a man that she finds attractive, maybe 1 out of 10 times. (talking about the 10 times when there is signalling going on already. not the cold approach)

    With an approach ratio of 10%, I find it hard not to get affected when they talk about men being losers because they don't approach.

    A woman will approach anybody except the men they are attracted to. Their reasoning is that "I want to know if he has the balls" or something in line.

    This phenomena is similar to " I want a man who is this, that... does this, that...." and a man asks, "So what do you have to offer to a man"

    It just does not register.

    When you are on the side of giving out rejections, you cannot empathize with the one who faces the rejection, especially when you are blind to your own not being able to approach when you find someone attractive.

    Also similar to, "what is so special about a one night stand? you go out, and find someone", said from the point of view where you would have a 95% success ration when approaching men "you want sex?"( David Buss)

    the men on the other hand work around 0% success ration using the same approach.

    Women, are unable to empathize with men. That is why they have no understanding of the underlying reasons for approach anxiety, or the value men put over ONS's etc.

    Women are master communicators, communicating with a secret language, undercover signals, hints etc...

    Man has to define words by himself.

    He has to define standards by himself.

    Letting it to women will lead him to design a spaceship using the blueprints of a submarine.

    I.e.: Trying to function as a NiceGuy in an environment that punishes the first sign of good behavior.

    Women are testing/seemingly selective
    ...
    Women feel that there are very few attractive men out there - and hence seem more selective


    This is why I have a different idea about women's pickyness. I factor in the ingrained natural filter of hypergamy. So they are not naturally picky, they are just not attracted to objectively similar or lower men. so the pickiness depends on her picks from the small number of men she "sees as existing".

    Sex is no big deal to women

    True. Casual sex is something that is very easy to obtain, even if the women have their eyes at the top dogs; casual sex is easy to get.

    Sex is something "that happens".

    This absolves females from responsibility.

    Sex does not just happen, you actually decide to have sex.

    Women love men who are casual about sex.

    Ironically these men are the most attractive to women, and women eventually want a relationship with these men. It does not happen, and they get jaded from the casuality.

    But if she assumes the guy is not the kind of man who just gets fucked, but needs emotion and relationships to get to that point - she will not sleep with him unless it is in that framework.

    Moat men do not need emotions or relationships to get sex, but they think women do. so women, seeing this, enjoy the high priced ride on their sexuality.

    Men shoot their own feet.

    Women are empathetic and emotional

    Not to the men who are invisible to them... (majority of men). Not being empathic towards these men is no problem for women, because for what they are concerned, these men do not exist.

    Women are irrational when it comes to sex/relationships
    What drives most men insane, can be used for your own advantage. Stop assuming logic when it comes to sical interactions. Break the rules. Do not repond in predicatble ways. Never. The result will be tremendous


    See, as a man, you are logical.

    Do the opposite of what your logic tells you to do, and you will not be disappointed.
    Women do not worry

    Well, if I had the security net and the social net - not necessarily by working to get these, more like by default - , and if I knew no matter what there will be some dude happy to take care of me later, I would not worry either..

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  4. Nicely said Dogen. Every rule has its time to be broken and the true success lies in homeostasis between these different qualities. Predictability can extend even to formulaic macho responses.

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