Thursday, April 2, 2009

Dude Flicks

As there are chick flicks, so there are "dude flicks".

A dude flick is a movie that women find boring while the guys are having a good time (chick flicks are typically enjoyed by low status males and women alike).

Most of the time this film will be about either:

a) amazing technology (sci-fi or disaster movies; "women generally respond better to stories, anecdotes, and metaphors, while men are more fact-oriented and statistical")

b) comics and/or superheros (mostly targeted at betas so they can dream of glory)

c) violence/horror (betas enjoy identifying with the guy beating everyone up; for others gore is akin to porn)

d) the rise and fall of great men (appealing to betas and alphas alike)

A good example of d) is "Appaloosa".

The story is rather straightforward and simple:

Basically, there are two tough guys who make a living by going from town to town in the Wild West, reestablishing law and order. The older one of them has the younger man's respect, even though age is taking its toll.
The older guy meets an alluring widow, who yearns to become the alpha male's woman. The younger guy sees all through that, especially after she starts hitting on him (hard!) the moment the older guy turns his back.
The older guy soon realizes it, too, after finding out that she went ahead banging a bunch of bad guys that he had to let go because they pretended to have "kidnapped" her.

There is a moment in that movie where both guys talk about her, and the older guy remarks that he will stick to her, because he promised to do so, even though he knows that you "simply cannot turn your back on her". The younger guy, obviously more experienced with women, corrects him and says that she will sleep with whoever is around and the "strongest guy".

Throughout the rest of the movie, the bad guy slowly gains political power, while the older guy starts "settling". Eventually, the younger companion kills the evildoer. He now has to leave town, a sexual relationship and his old friend behind. As he rides into sundown he explains that he had to do it in order to buy the older guys a "few years of happiness" with that woman.

It's not an a must-see movie or anything, but it is the kind of story that can give a guy a chill, while a woman will only shrug her shoulders.

The reason for that is that this movie is about loyalty in the deepest sense. And loyalty, while so important to men, is a weak, unimportant, almost foreign emotion to the female brain.

"The one thing that most men value most - loyalty - is just not there with women. Women don't think in terms of honor, women don't say "word is bond;" women are basically emotionally driven. If they feel it, they do it, period. Then they rationalize it to themselves later."

Note that this not contradict the undoubted fact that women often behave as if loyal. Women do want to follow a strong man, and they will do so - as long as the man can keep his status as #1.

I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don’t mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don’t mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling, be all that I am capable of doing, but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding.
[Anais Nin]

The difference between actual loyalty and the female idea of relationships is that women think of their support as conditional ("as long as I feel like it"), whereas the male concept of loyalty is absolute ("nothing and no one can take this away from us").

There are few feelings in the human emotional repertoire that are so unequally shared between the sexes.

Ironically, this is one of the reasons (among others) why women tend to press for commitment why men are more wary of giving their word.

I have asked on separate occasions women who bored me with some endless daydreaming about "getting" married, if they really, truly, honestly believe that they would be happy with one and the same cock for the rest of their lives.
Every single one of them replied that they "had never seen it that way" and that two people who truly love each other "can always work something out". Sure, because now that someone is (legally bound) to be around and take care of the kids, casual sex comes without the crappy "morning after".

What's the positive upshot of all that?

Well, as I pointed out before - it pays off to act like a woman when dealing with them.

A woman does not expect never ending loyalty. She expects endless affection.

That is the reason why women will not be satisfied with a man's "word". Women want the reassurance that a man's feelings for her are deep and true. Because only in the presence of these feelings she herself would remain committed (which is still very different from faithful!).

For the same reason, women get nervous if the man fails to show continuous affection. In her mind, he now might be less committed (his "word" just doesn't count). She now feels the right to "check her options" again. A "girl's night out" will follow and she will not wear a turtle neck shirt [Women rarely plan to cheat. They merely (and mostly unconsciously) create or prevent the circumstances that could lead to it].

On the other hand, any woman will understand if "things just happened", or you "don not know why I did that" (just be careful, because her lawyers don't!).

What is baffling to the male mind can be normal to the female psyche. As long as you don't push it too far and thereby give up your masculinity, you will get understanding for reasons you yourself are puzzled about.


  1. " A "girl's night out" will follow and she will not wear a turtle neck shirt"

    Dude, NEVER agree to a "girl's night out". No such thing. Girls may have lunch, thats it. Her ass is supposed to be watching your kid(s) anyway.

    I hate to harp on the same point, but the truth of men's situation keeps going back to the same point, the financial laws that fiscally emasculate a man in the event of divorce. If it weren't for these, when a man even thought he -might- be getting cheated on, he could tell her, "sayonora, make it on your own, Im leaving", and she'd probably be fucked. As they are..............SHE CAN HAVE HER CAKE AND EAT IT TOO, hence the precarious state men are in, and why women feel so entitled. You PAY for her freedom enforced by the state.

    That really is all there is to it. Thats the modern Western male dilemma in a nutshell. We'd treat them like shit too if the laws were reversed.

  2. very interesting thoughts here. i tend to think that loyalty is limited among men as well though: we're just as liable to cheat -- unless we have no options.

    the idea that we should openly take the "feminine" freedom of following our feelings to a greater degree (and be honest about it) is fascinating.

    this might be one thing that connects and attracts women to assholes. but perhaps one need not be an asshole to do this - just to understand that rigid loyalty, disconnected from one's feeling in the moment is not part of the deal.

    an ex-girlfriend of mine once told me how a guy on a train asked her for her number and she gave it. i said: so if that's ok, it means that i can ask girls' numbers, right?

  3. StageTwo wrote:

    " we're just as liable to cheat -- unless we have no options."

    We'd be MORE LIKELY to cheat, but if we are caught, their are grave consequences (child support, alimony, half of your 401K or IRA, your house, court cost, lawyers fees) than women face. You will get reamed out in court for cheating, but she will not. If the playing field were leveled, she'd be terrified of you cheating and would practically dote on you to keep you around. If you could financially RUIN her for her infidelity-----she would be too afraid to cheat.

  4. It's biological. If she's droppin' an egg, she's likely to seek attention elsewhere. Pay attention to your woman's cycle and watch when she's most likely to have the girls night out. It's two weeks away from her cycle I bet as an average. Females are masters of plausible deniability because they are more emotionally involved. They truly believe it's just a girls night out, despite showing more skin and being more outgoing than they would at any other time. Watch this in women you are seeing, especially if you are ostensibly "monogamous."

  5. Once can conclude that

    Women are loyal to their feelings.

    Men are loyal to their actions.

    Men also have a better sense of "karma bites back" or something similar.

    Thus women do not see men as loyal to their own feelings, and deem these men weak.

    Btw, you made an excellent point on the necessity of showing constant affection, as that is something I never had understood before: Why is it not enough for her that I agreed to make the commitment to move in with her.

    little did I know, her commitment was good as long as she felt it "right"... Thus my word meant nothing to her unless I showed my affection 24/7, because her word meant nothing, compared to her feelings.

  6. Dude, NEVER agree to a "girl's night out". No such thing. Girls may have lunch, thats it.

    Lunch breaks are like business trips to some (married) women: private time. They go for a "work out" and return all sweaty to their desks. Most affairs are with coworkers.

  7. 11 minutes,

    I meant "lunch" with her girlfriends (and their kids hopefully), not on workdays, but weekends.

    Thats probably the best thing about having your wife drop a couple of kids and to socialize with other adults who have kids..............the kids are everywhere and the adults rarely have time alone away from their children's eyes. So her galpals are really galpals and not lesbo lovers, etc.

  8. the kids are everywhere and the adults rarely have time alone away from their children's eyes. So her galpals are really galpals and not lesbo lovers, etc.

    Good point. Kids are excellent chaperones. This might also explain why young men are more likely to go on (business) travel once their wives gave birth.

    Interestingly, I believe most guys would not mind their wife cheating with another woman (I think I wouldn't - if I'd ever marry).

    But one night with another guy and she is damaged goods.

    Evolution has left men with a deep aversion of anything that could lead to paternity fraud...

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