Friday, July 10, 2009

Being In State

Becoming good with women does more than get you laid.

Thanks to the female preference for soft skills, men willing to learn what it takes to attract the other gender automatically pick up skills required to get ahead in life in general.

By pushing your own boundaries and repeatedly forcing yourself to step out of your comfort zone, one can gain dramatic insights into personal limits and what is possible in general.

The first time I got struck by this insight was about 3 years ago at a friend's housewarming party. I had just come out of a seven year long quasi-marriage, and was ready to move on. The past months had been a brief phase of mourning, followed by a prolonged period of desperate attempts to find another girl. It did not take long to realize my own idea of being a very attractive guy were at odds with the reality. I was an average frustrated chump par excellence.

But, a few weeks before the party I had come across mASF. I was intrigued by the idea that there was a practical implication to the evo-psych theories I had studied for years. I spent days in a row sucking up the information provided on various forums, eBooks and other sources. It was all fresh in my head, but I had not dared to try using any of the techniques outlined online.

That night I felt ready. I stepped into the room and immediately started talking to the first girl I saw. My instinct at the time was to ease myself in by small talking about my and her job, expecting that either one of us would get bored soon.

Yet, my new tactic was to do anything but that. I tried some of the lines I read, and earned a smile. I tried cold reading, and earned attraction.

Encouraged, I tried to go in for a kiss, and earned a full blown make out. I remember the amazed look on the face of my friends on the other side of the room.
I remember the intrigued look on the girl's face. And I remember the feeling as if someone had flipped a switch in my mind.

By the end of the night I had literally gotten phone numbers from all girls present at the party, and made out with almost all of the attractive ones (before cockblocking myself from a lay).

I had dropped the routines after the third or fourth girl. It was as if a new kind of instinct had set in, and I just knew what to say and when to do what. I just strolled around and talked to people, confident that I would get them out of their stiff shell and enable all of us to have a real good time. I was free of any fear and intimidation. There was not a moment of awkwardness. It was as if all people at the party where tin soldiers ready for me to be placed into position on my virtual playground battlefield.

I had never felt like that before. But I knew I would do whatever I could to experience it again. I knew that whatever it was that had happened to me, it was more than just an episode. I had opened a door to a new realm. An experience that is potent enough to change a whole (way of) life.

I was in The State.

Just like "Runner's High", it is hard to describe what it feels like to enter this mental space. you have to do it and get there in order to realize it even exists.

Our bodies are programmed to respond positively to anything we do that increases our biological fitness in order to ensure maximal success for procreation. We get increasingly happy if a girl we like smiles back, wants to give her number, returns a kiss and ultimately drops her panties and opens her legs - because it guides our behavior into the direction of quality offspring.
Becoming the alpha guy at a social gathering is all that and more. It removes all possible limits to quality and quantity for sex. And the respective response of our brains is a feeling of addictive quality, limited to these conditions.

Now what characterizes The State? And how do you get there if you can't reach it naturally?

Much has been theorized about that, and I do not have the golden answer. But I want to highlight two recent studies on cognitive enhancement that she some light on some of the underlying mechanisms.

The first study is about the relationship between mental function and the level of stress an individual experiences.

As it turns out, there is an optimal level of stress that enables us to use our full cognitive potential.

Just hanging lose doesn't cut it. If there is not enough stress, we need to get motivated and enthused to reach that "zone". If we get stressed out too much, we lose our ability to think straight. But with a perfect balance between being aroused and relaxed, we live out our inner genius.



This is a key finding for understanding The State.

Just showing up at an event, chill and relaxed is far from ideal for meeting great women. And of as we all know, being too hyper and jerky - let alone stressed out - is killing your chances, too.

Stress is the hallmark of the beta male. Accordingly, we seem to get increasingly sensitive to other people's social status when the pressure goes up. Disrespecting the dominance of an alpha can cause embarrassment and even physical harm for a low status guy, so they better remain on the lookout with their no fight-but-flight response in constant alert mode.

Yet, some stimulant is necessary even for alphas to excel.

Another (related) interesting find concerns Freudian Slips (or: ironic errors, as scientists like to call them).

Stress can increase the occurrence of what some call "precisely the worst thing to say or do for any occasion". And current scientific thought is that this is due to a price we all pay for not letting that happen to often.

More specifically, our brains might have evolved with a module that constantly monitors our environment and behavior and creates a worst case scenario. Based on that model, it computes an error signal - an instant taboo to help us avoid disaster. Yet, the mere presence of this "No Go" inside our brains puts us into danger of doing exactly that - and so it happens (sometimes).

The incidences are not random. Stress, pressure and distraction are required for things to go wrong. And this is precisely why being In State is mutually exclusive from social embarrassment. When "mental load" is minimized, so are ironic errors.

By letting go - forgetting about routines and the idea of "getting laid", your brain gets freed up to focus on the task at hand. You are "outcome independent" and "in the now" - no hidden agenda and no second thoughts. Your brain uses its optimal capacity - and that is why things go so smoothly.

With women or life in general, check your inner tension. If you are too stressed - it is time to cool off. If you are Mr. Cool, it will help to pep yourself up a little. Assuming an inverse U as the place to find an optimum goes far. Life is all about finding the right amount at the right time.

47 comments:

  1. Very neat article on this subject. My friend and I are always talking about how to get in state. All of life is just a buffer around moments of State which are when a man performs all the things that really matter in his life.

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  2. Really great article. Thanks.

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  3. You hit it on the head. This is a problem for many people, more than we realize. btw practitioners of NLP would tell us it technique can get us to The State in spades.

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  4. Exploring and training your character is a very honorable gesture. However, what's the point of making a robot of yourself? Coming up with all these theories/techniques just to feed your fragile egos? Did you ever question how you got here on the first place - wild guess for the most of you, HURT/USED BY A WOMAN?! So now you'll hurt other people around you without a drop of remorse, bonus points if they are of the opposite sex? That's one sick never ending game!

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  5. ^^^^^^
    Being in the state has nothing to do with becoming some kind of robot or hurting others. It's not linked to an attitude. It's only about effective living and communication and the definition of personal effectivity is very indivual. You can say about pua stuff what you want, but this is not one of these theories, it's alpha. Don't get it twisted.

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  6. @ ^^^^^^

    You either are an alpha or you are not!

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  7. Anonymous (8:56):

    Regarding the common misunderstanding you have about "robot" behavior, read here:

    Mystery != Worth

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  8. success builds success as it were. i remember the rude world i found as well, the world where i realzed that everything society and women had told me beforehand was the ass backwards opposite of what i should do to attract women. once you flip that switch, once you get a taste...there's no looking back, no rewind button.

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  9. @ Dogen...

    I read more than one post on this site - including the one that you've attached to your comment. I am not here to make you change your ways, not even close! I just do not agree that two wrong make it right!

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  10. Anonymous, relax. Nowhere in this post was a feeling of hurt.

    As someone else pointed out already, you completely missed the point. This is not about being a robot. In a sense The State is the complete opposite. It is all about living in the moment.

    There are many reasons why guys think and learn about these social skills and how it relates to female sexuality.

    There is the lack of masculine role models, the clash of feminist ideology with biological reality, the wish to improve and the instinctive call to procreate (call it "finding a girl and fall in love", if you wish). And maybe there was a bad relationship experience in the past (as you imply), and the man learned his lesson.

    In all these cases, becoming aware of the power of social status and learning how to master social dynamics will help.

    In fact, learning how to man up this way is the only choice for any man who was unable to keep a woman to prevent that from happening again.

    The fact that what is required to keep a woman truly happy is the opposite of what society tells us to be "courteous", "polite", and "nice" might seem unfortunate - but it also doesn't mean that women get hurt in the process.

    Lastly, there is no such thing as the ultimate alpha male. A man is never "alpha or not". Having alpha status is a relative state, since it is determined by the status of all other men in the environment and can change as quickly.

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  11. Anonymous:

    Ok. I appreciate that.

    But I still don't understand what you mean by the "two wrongs." I am not asserting that "two wrongs make a right." I'm asserting that there is no wrong here at all. The fact that your own behavior feels to you like something holy and inviolable which just springs into being spontaneously does not make it inherently mysterious.

    As far as your "hurt by a woman" thing, perhaps you are projecting? I didn't point out that one post to contradict you, but rather to point out that this is a joyous and invigorating thing for me (and for 11minutes as well, though he can speak for himself). Just like understanding the stars scientifically doesn't make them any less wonderful, so understanding human social dynamics doesn't make them any less meaningful or enjoyable. Whether or not you agree with it, do you at least understand that assertion? I am sure you must...

    There's nothing spiteful or hurtful or robotic or remorse-inducing about it. We enjoy it. The women enjoy it.

    You assert "two wrongs don't make a right." But I don't see any wrongs here... only rights. If you have something deep inside you that makes you feel bad about other people exploring themselves and the world around them scientifically and then using that information to deepen their enjoyment, their partners' enjoyment, and the richness of the world in general: that's your problem man, not ours! We're having a great time.

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  12. Oh shit, 11... pigpile on Anonymous!

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  13. @11

    Most of the things that you write about on this site are nothing but temporary fix.
    So, it's not surprising that you look at alpha as a temporary status. There is such thing as the ultimate alpha male.

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  14. If I may add 11 talked about "relative state", not "temporary status". Which does not mean that anything inside yourself changes, you just always have to calibrate yourself to your environment. This is called social intelligence, if I remember right.

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  15. I should have made a disclaimer that my comment is not directed towards just THIS particular post. I read a few more posts in one seating and since BEING IN STATE is the latest one I left my notes here. However, my comment(s) is/are directed toward(s) the general ideas behind these blogs – and in my opinion most of ideas in here are good for short/temporary fix only.

    Women are flaky – we’ll try to impress them with our arrogance, fuck them and leave.
    Women only live in the emotion of the moment – we’ll help them to live that moment, fuck them and leave.
    Women have short attention spans – perfect for fucking and leaving.
    Women constantly shit test men – let’s have a few come backs ready at all times, impress them, fuck them and leave.
    Women will cheat on their partners without any guilt – we won’t be stupid enough to be their partner, will fuck them and leave.
    Women are slaves to how their friends and society sees them – we are better, will create our own smaller group. Now we are different!

    Those are just a couple of things that come to mind after reading a few of these blog posts. All of those things are shot lived events. I am not here to bash any ideas – of course, you love women. Women and men were/are and always will be codependent of one another!

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  16. Anonymous, it's not the hammer that kills people. It's the hand that holds it.

    As men become good with women they become free to chose a lifestyle that involves one or many women - and that is exactly what happens.

    Some guys will create a harem. Some guys will date an army of women the same way the Sex In The City Girls role modelles for modern gals. And some guys will happily settle with a woman who they consider a perfect match. I have seen it all. In fact, most guys I met who learned PUA techniques really just did it to fulfill their lifelong dream to get a girlfriend.

    There is no imperative to fuck and run.

    (It just happens that the guys who fuck and run still are the most attractive out there; and women will fall for them as long as the earth keeps turning. But - who's to blame for that?)

    There is a need to handle shit right, though, in order to avoid having the very same happening to a man. Many of the posts on here are about the "dry vagina" problem most people face during commited relationships.

    It's easy for a woman to cry about the fuck and run factor and to wish for commitment - but what do they do against their instinctive loss of attraction towards a man who does?

    Blogs like this one really are a blessing to both genders since they allow at least one side to rectify some of the problems that are inherent to monogamy. Just check out some of the comments of married men over at roissy's. The same advice that allows some guys to fuck and run (and don't forget - it's a woman's decision to get fucked by a guy who does) also saves marriages since only a sexually happy woman is a happy woman.

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  17. @11:

    It is fun to play "not my fault" game, but it is an easy way out.

    I’ve met a couple of PUAs. More often than not they become cynical, mean spirited, negative, aggressive for no reason at all and quick to place unnecessary negative judgments. The ones that I know have become so disappointed in women they make themselves disgusted by that thought – and there’s no presence of guilt or responsibilities for their careless actions. “She’s a slut anyways – all women are.”

    Then when they feel super crappy about themselves (because sooner or later, they always do). They turn on their PCs and/or MACs and read justifications to their actions. It’s the whole idea of – yes you feel crappy at the moment, but if you did not live this shenanigan lifestyle you’d be cheated on and feeling even worse. It’s like sitting through a church service!

    Yes, everyone sleeps in beds that they make themselves. However, most people join a club and/or community for the need to belong. When you are interested to be a part of something, you are vulnerable!

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  18. @Anonymous - there really is no straight line in your reasoning.

    You talk about hurt women, then about two wrongs that make no good (still waiting on that one), and now you seem to be most concerned about PUAs who struggle with female promiscuity.

    What's your actual beef?

    Are you bemoaning the fact that are less LTRs/marriages than there used to be?
    I doubt that PUA techniques are responsible for that. Check out the correlation with feminism, increased socioeconomic freedom for women and birth control instead.

    Are you concerned about men learning quick fixes instead of actually improving character? Stop reading PUA sites and join this blog. We have posted several times about PUA flaws already (there is even a link on he sidebar), and constantly emphasize the importance of learning social skills and getting in sync with inner masculinity during this era of common place misandry.

    Read Master Dogen's reply again. There is beauty and joy in finding out about yourself and others. We might not like everything we learn, but we can use it to make the best of it.

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  19. _Do not get defensive _

    Yes, my thoughts/questions are all over the place – just unstructured curiosity on my part.

    "There is beauty and joy in finding out about yourself and others" - You have to stick around to see that and at times put yourself in trying situations.

    "two wrongs that make no good" - a lot of PUA act the way they do because of bad experiences in the past (I think I remember you mentioning about your past multiple years relationship - but this is nothing personal, just an example). Often, PUA guys justify their lifestyles of hurting everyone around them because it has happened to them!

    I am not “bemoaning” anything – I am still young enough not to worry about it. I am just curious and this blog seemed more of an exchanging thoughts/ideas kind of atmosphere, instead of aggressive cattiness. But it is just as other PUA sites – it is calm if everyone agrees on the same thing.

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  20. this blog seemed more of an exchanging thoughts/ideas kind of atmosphere, instead of aggressive cattiness. But it is just as other PUA sites – it is calm if everyone agrees on the same thing.

    You're right that we don't agree, but everybody's calm. ("I'm calmer than you are, dude." /Walter Sobchak voice)

    No, we're totally with you dude.
    No cattiness intended on anyone's part, mine or 11minutes'. You are right that this is a place to have a calm argument. But just because we want to be calm and respectful doesn't mean we won't disagree with you and argue with you!

    You're in the right place, brother. We welcome the challenges and discussion.

    (Personally I'm having a good chuckle at the notion you being being "agressively catty," Eleven. That must be a first for you.)

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  21. @Anonymous

    alphadominance.com/?page_id=3

    Read this. This is what it's about.
    Once you are focussed on your holistic development as a man, you are independent from any kind of justification and are able to eliminate all negativity as it's counterproducitve to success.

    I'd like to hear about your idea of the ultimate alpha male.

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  22. @Dogen

    Thank you - only I am not a guy!

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  23. Oops... er... I mean you are in the right place, sister.

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  24. @Dogen,
    :) ha-ha
    This was entertaining, we agreed to disagree! I will leave you guys to your own. Good Blog, keep it up!

    @monza,
    Thank you. I will talk a look at that post.

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  25. Even though she, anonymous, has left, I would like to address some of the issues she brings up... As usual, quote and reply.

    Exploring and training your character is a very honorable gesture. However, what's the point of making a robot of yourself?

    That is a problem a few of my close friends are having. I do not advise to be a robot, I am more for inner game, or rather attitude, as I like to call it.

    But having said that, one cannot neglect the fact that we are basically dealing with a species that responds almost fully robotically to a given input. Once you start studying PUA stuff, or act in a way "the attitude" dictates, you will see that in the overwhelming majority of the time, the female response will be in line with the expected outcome, and I am not talking about "give her flowers, she will give you a kiss" expectation.

    Once you are past a level, be it AFC, be it beta or so, you can test the inputs and see that the correlation really is there. I.e.: Neg a woman of high attractiveness, and you'll get a puppy (totally coutnerintuitive to the "I am no robot" people), or tell the woman you find her attractive, without beforehand having established your dominance, and see her look at you as if you are a bum (once again, "I am no robot" goes "whyyyy")

    So, you may not be a robot, but it is extremely important to know that women may be black boxes, but their output will be known for any input, given certain initial conditions are met, all which can be defined accurately statistically; to hold true for the vast majority of incidents.

    Coming up with all these theories/techniques just to feed your fragile egos?

    Men having fragile egos?
    I have never had a man cry when rejected for a dance, I made countless women cry by telling them "No thank you"....

    I do not forgive this kind of crap coming from anyone in this context.

    The hundreds of rejections I have endured and the fact I am still alive, proves it.

    Did you ever question how you got here on the first place - wild guess for the most of you, HURT/USED BY A WOMAN?!

    So?

    Everybody comes somewhere due to the events in their past. And having been hurt by a woman when you were raised on "sugar and spice" since being born, is almost inevitable.

    So now you'll hurt other people around you without a drop of remorse, bonus points if they are of the opposite sex? That's one sick never ending game!

    Not meaning offense here, but what hurts women is clearly undefined.

    As in the sentence:

    "Of course I will bang the stupid one, I will not feel bad when I leave in the morning. But that intelligent one, if he were to leave in the morning, would make me feel used", clearly shows that "hurt" (or anything else, for that matter) used by women can mean anything, can arise from any circumstance independent of the so called culprit. I stopped listening long time ago.

    I dont physically harm women, I dont cheat and lie, I dont betray. If they are still hurt, tough, I say.

    And is not it women (like the example above) who have embraced casual sexuality? So when they bang the dumb soccer player for a night it is ok; then the bad boy academic comes and they bang him, but it is his fault she is hurt because now he has used her? See, he did the same thing. The only difference is that he had quality, and she wanted more.

    Sorry. Innocent.

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  26. Women are flaky – we’ll try to impress them with our arrogance, fuck them and leave.
    Women only live in the emotion of the moment – we’ll help them to live that moment, fuck them and leave.
    Women have short attention spans – perfect for fucking and leaving.
    Women constantly shit test men – let’s have a few come backs ready at all times, impress them, fuck them and leave.
    Women will cheat on their partners without any guilt – we won’t be stupid enough to be their partner, will fuck them and leave.
    Women are slaves to how their friends and society sees them – we are better, will create our own smaller group. Now we are different!


    Everything you mention is an action by women, creating a reaction in men, and everything you mention disqualifies women from any potential of being a long term prospect.

    Seriously, women bring this upon themselves.
    What is so hard to grasp about it?
    Action reaction result.

    I’ve met a couple of PUAs. More often than not they become cynical, mean spirited, negative, aggressive for no reason at all

    oh, there is a reason.

    The reason is that they get to see the other side. They get to live through the temptations of their friends' women, of their uncles' wives, of women getting married the next day, of women who have gotten engaged the week before; they get to see the things the committed man is deprived of, deprived deliberately (I may disagree with 11 here, in the point that the loss of sexual attraction when a man commits, is not something I will say "it is nature". I deem that a deliberate act, because of the play that is put forward till the point of commitment).

    There is one reason, and that is interacting with women successfully.

    And that is also why after some time these men start demanding chastity from the woman (if) they will commit.

    and quick to place unnecessary negative judgments.

    Observed judgement may not be unnecessary or quick.

    There is a reason.

    At least these men cannot be shamed by "cant get laid"....

    and "he gets laid too much" is rarely an insult...

    The ones that I know have become so disappointed in women they make themselves disgusted by that thought – and there’s no presence of guilt or responsibilities for their careless actions. “She’s a slut anyways – all women are.”

    What's that man supposed to do?

    Before when he was the man he was told to be, he got no or little action. Life of misery.

    Later, when he made a u-turn, he got to see the behavior of the ones who granted him no action....

    Maybe he should close his eyes and wish back to the old days?

    And btw, what careless actions?

    If he goes and tells a girl "hehehe, you got snot in your nose" and she falls for the line, that is damn stupid on her side, but on his side? Can hardly blame him...

    z.g. out.

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  27. z.g., so good to have you back. As always, you hit the nail on the head. The stereotypical reactions of women to the same routines are one of the biggest Aha-experiences I had in my life.

    It's revealing how you are able to immediately realize Anonymous' main problem with guys like us:

    "The only difference is that he had quality, and she wanted more."

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  28. (Personally I'm having a good chuckle at the notion you being being "agressively catty," Eleven. That must be a first for you.)

    I haven't laughed that hard in a long time.

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  29. It's revealing how you are able to immediately realize Anonymous' main problem with guys like us:

    "The only difference is that he had quality, and she wanted more."


    This is the key.

    This is why women get hurt by extreme sports doing doctors, mountain biking lawyers, weightlifting engineers etc, but somehow do not get hurt by the cheating bad boys (some which are low on the iq scale) who would rationally not be a good long term partner. Not because he would not provide or such, but would just not make a partner worth living with.

    What the ladies always forget is that the former three (plus thousands of others) were dissed, rejected, outright insulted, and left in a desert of sexlessness when these guys were young and had romantic views of life. In the same time, the dumb bad boys - the intelligent ones I count an exception, and they make it to higher levels, either ceo, criminal, gangster, mob boss or so. There is a reason these bad boys are called bad boys, not bad men - were rewarded with all kinds of escapades... Why? Besides the "he is exciting" reason, here are some additional reasons:

    -"He is no relationship material, so he is good for a fuck"
    -"I just wanted sex, and he was good for that"
    -"He did not make me feel inferior" - a key issue
    -"He was dumb, he could not use me"
    -"I used him as a sex toy"
    -"He has a good heart"
    -"Nobody understands him"
    etc etc...

    All the time dissing the quality men. Not the nice guys, mind you; the quality. Like the quarterback who also has interest in science, like the town's tennis champion who likes nature, etc.

    So one day they come and tell me, "You have been hurt by women".

    Yes. And? The point is?

    The point is not "You allowed women to hurt you", the point is "Women hurt you". Simple as that.

    And like I have said, with the amount of rejections I have faced, and no woman that I know coming close to a small percentage of that, no woman can accuse me of hurting anybody.

    If I take the risk, that risk taking comes with the right to decide what to do.

    Especially if good, gentle, kind, respecting, regarding and neutral behavior has been punished all my life

    ------------------------------------------

    And the reason in my opinion that this punishment had happened is twofold.
    1. Women are attracted to whatever constitutes bad behavior.
    2. (this could be more dominant in cases of quality) They have an immense attraction to these men who are gentle due to their strengths, and they assume other women feel the same. So they assume, this man has many women around him. This assumption though is incongruent with not-bad behavior. "If he has women, why is he gentle towards me..." and boom. Number two, I said could be more dominant, and number two also tells of the extreme projection of women and how they view the world. And what they would do, if they were in place of quality. It makes perfect sense to me.

    z.g.out

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  30. Allright, so I am stuck with the "You have been hurt by women" comment.

    Note how this is in the passive form, and there is a slight difference with using "Women must have hurt you".

    Am stuck because yesterday, as a lapse in judgement, started watching "ghosts of girlfriends past", to finish a lazy evening after kettlebell swings etc.

    Made it to half the movie, but got bored and irritated as hell.

    This is what we were, and what the younger generation is brainwashed with. Since it is not only one movie, but a representation of all movies, series, except a handful few, it shows what is all around us. Seeing this is like wearing one of those sunglasses in that 80's alien movie, forgot the name.

    We have this ultra stud, banging models left and right, breaking up with them on a conference call, the ultimate confident asshole.

    And the viewer at this point is supposed to blame him for women flocking to him, when they know about the reputation - possibly due to the reputation - , when they are ready to sleep with him while he breaks up with three women on a conference call.

    Damn the asshole. The women definitely are little angels to be manipulated.

    I did not continue the movie, but apparently in later parts we are made to feel sorry for the girls he banged and dumped... Errr... They apparently slept with him because they heard about his charm...

    Also we are made (at least the producers' intention) to feel bad for the one bridesmaid who is not in the "circle" of the bridesmaid our hero has f&c'd, when she enthusiastically accepts the offer to be part of the circle..

    Damn the asshole.

    And then we follow a similar path to Zack&Miri...

    So we got to his past.

    He is in love with Jenny; Jenny is apparently in love with him. (this is important)

    Years pass and we are in the prom. Slow song starts, our young hero is nervous as hell, we can see it, Jenny is waiting for him to ask her to dance, we can see that too.

    It is torture to see the guy try to get up the courage to ask her for a dance, we all have been there, while the girl is merely waiting.

    Damn the asshole, where is his confidence....??

    While our young hero is gathering the courage, two girls come up shrieking that the school stud wants to dance with Jenny, and he even wants to make out with her later.. oooo...oooo...oooo... aieee... all in front of our now choking young hero.

    So Jenny, who has been supposedly in love with our young hero for years, waits for the dance question without clearly giving a sign that such a young boy in that excitement could see. and when it does not come in the next 10 seconds, happily goes to dance with the stud, and.... makes out.

    Damn the asshole. Because he was a coward, he had to make out/sleep with the school stud.

    Now watch this, and tell me how is this kid supposed to believe that sugar and spice shit:

    hxxp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kMZrXAXitKI&feature=related

    I may have put this up as a joke, but there is so much truth in it.

    Back to movie,
    Years pass, they meet again in a house party two years later. Our hero ignores her, and we see her cry. Well, instead of telling women, "you hurt men like that, that is the result you ill get", men are get told "Whatever she does she is still the little angel".. Similar to the slut Miri. Reminds me of my high school prom. The girl I was dating for a year, who dumped me four times, accused me of being an asshole when I appeared at her prom with her schoolmate who had bazookas. I was just smiling.

    Damn the asshole. How can he ignore the angel.

    Years pass, out hero is now educated by his player uncle, and is banging left and right. And Jenni walks into the scene. Now she is educated, a doctor. A ballbusting bitch. And our hero falls for her again, but now he has his ways, which are portrayed devilish. Btw, her assumed slutting around is not mentioned.

    That is where I quit watching, if I continue, I will write about the rest.

    ReplyDelete
  31. This is just one movie. Watched by thousands. there are hundreds of other media outlets that give a similar message.

    The whole movie is centered around him being a soulless bastard without feelings or regard to women, and is blamed for it. (of course women bedding him just for that is not regarded in the judgement)

    The event, which started it all, oh, he is blamed for it also. Even though a little less subtle smile from the oh so shy lady who somehow had the non-shyness to make out with the 9th grade stud would have helped a long way.

    So, yes I have been hurt. Yes I have hurt. (being rewarded usually for this)

    But one truth holds forever:

    "I am this way because of women"
    (do what works, and dont do what does not)

    p.s.: It is a crime to depict the psycho bride as cute.

    z.g. out

    ReplyDelete
  32. Z.g.,you need to start your own blog!Excellent stuff!

    ReplyDelete
  33. "2. (this could be more dominant in cases of quality) They have an immense attraction to these men who are gentle due to their strengths, and they assume other women feel the same. So they assume, this man has many women around him. This assumption though is incongruent with not-bad behavior. "If he has women, why is he gentle towards me..." and boom. Number two, I said could be more dominant, and number two also tells of the extreme projection of women and how they view the world. And what they would do, if they were in place of quality. It makes perfect sense to me."

    z.g.,I'm not quite sure I follow this.Could yoou possibly rephrase it?Thanks

    ReplyDelete
  34. z.g. - I am torn: on one hand, if you will keep girls responsible for their actions, you should take the responsibility for getting involved and for letting being used. On another hand, if she cheated, lied or just left from getting bored then it is not your fault! I am pretty sure that if she'd have to do it again, she would not change anything and would still leave.
    No tricks in the book would keep her from leaving - even alpha neg’s, asshole like behavior, etc. Those things might hold her interest for a little longer, but sooner or later games would get tiring and learned/predictable by both parties and that would be the end of it. If you stick around for the long term true colors will come out - true colors of an alpha student. In those terms, I agree with Anonymous that there are men, who are natural ultimate alphas.
    Stop being so angry!!!

    ReplyDelete
  35. So I finished the movie last nite, and gotta say could be taking my words back on the statement that the main heroess is a ballbusting bitch.

    What I will add though is that "I fall for assholes" means she is a badboy hunting slut, and we are told not to judge her "because I have changed".

    Dont forget the whole movie is about judging the ways of the hero.

    And the funeral scene where nobody is coming, well, was proven wrong in the funeral of INXS's lead singer where you possibly had the most beautiful women on earth, in the same place, all knowing that every one of the woman was laid by the now deceased, and being ok with it. (that makes an interesting study)

    ReplyDelete
  36. To anonymous:

    I will rephrase.

    One thing one has to keep in mind is the extreme projection ability women posess, and the utter inability to put themselves into some other's shoes.

    "The theory I am writing now is the one more dominant in cases concerning woman meeting a quality guy who does not act bad. these men are a mix between sucker and fucker, but in a good sense. They make a good life partner. They would provide for the family. and they possess the genes of a fucker. What else can you ask? So women are extremely attracted to these men, they get their panties wet, and dream of the pink fences. As women are more of a herd animal than anything else, they tend to feel that other women would be extremely attracted to these men also. And since other girls are easier than her, this man must have many many women at tow. So, when this man acts gentle cause of his strengths, they feel something is wrong with him, because "why does he treat me well when he could have so many women". another factor is that, if these women were in the shoes of the quality man, they would end up extremely bitchy rude and entitled, (enter projection) so if he is not behaving that way, ooops, something wrong.

    Hope this is a better version.

    Now, I said,

    "So women are extremely attracted to these men, they get their panties wet, and dream of the pink fences."

    If you think you are an attractive man, but have trouble getting casual sex, while your friends, and girls, and unknown people are copming up to you and saying "dude, all girls want you", "all my friends want you", "they think you are a god" etc; then read that line again, and notice "pink fence".

    the mistake you are making is being a great candidate for "fucker", but also being a great candidate for "sucker". And since fuckers are easy to find, the "great sucker" part turns out to be her domineering motivator in her behavior with you.

    You will see women drooling all over you, but laying some drunk (means she is forever crossed from the more-than-ons list), and similar occasions.

    The easiest and most reliable cure is to add some badboy behavior. It is very hard to hide intelligence, good wits, good figure etc, but it is very easy to add some badboy behavior.

    What is that?

    Turn away while talking to her.
    Wear some necklace of wristband
    Smirk, sly smile
    touch her early
    Look at other women.
    And such

    you of course can go overboard with this and turn her off, but if you go underboard, it will always be more effort and less rewards.

    Going overboard is always better than not, as I have no respect for a woman who thinks that my quality is not to be rewarded with a sharing of sexual intimacy, but rather my commitment will be rewarded.

    (if she is virgin it is ok, but if not, I know she has had casual sex, and there is no way I'll take 3 dinner one lay as a reward)

    ReplyDelete
  37. to selfishIguess

    Stop being so angry!!!

    I am not angry in the sense you name it.

    I am pissed if someone accuses me of something, or holds me responsible for not being evil and believing in the miracle which is life.

    I am pissed if a woman accuses me of being a "cocky asshole", a woman who's fucked half the foreigners in town, behind her fiancee's back.

    I am pissed if a woman accuses me "You just want sex", a woman who has already three digits.

    And such.

    I am not angry, I am the harvest that women sowed, and are now reaping

    z.g. - I am torn: on one hand, if you will keep girls responsible for their actions, you should take the responsibility for getting involved and for letting being used.

    Which does not absolve women of their actions.

    See, I took responsibility and learned from my mistakes.

    Now you call me angry?

    On another hand, if she cheated,...might hold her interest for a little longer.....predictable by both parties and that would be the end of it.

    I am not talking about one woman, and my experience is not limited to one woman. For example, accross the socio-economical scale, I have done all, except maybe some ultra rich broad. Done dumb, done 150 IQ...

    My experiences are collections of different women, and magnitudes more of observations.

    Not one woman.

    If you stick around for the long term true colors will come out - true colors of an alpha student.

    Yea, true.

    Still better than a beta, or an ignorant ape..

    See, women basically have no respect for men improving themselves. For women, and alpha is born, not made.

    That is why if you are reading some financial self help book, never tell a woman, "I am improving myself", rather tell her "It is to become better financially", and unless you have mastered PUA, never tell a woman you are studying it.

    Just like a man with the adonis body. They love that body, but have no respect for the effort put into that body, or even belittle it.

    Why?

    Adonis came out of his mother's womb as Adonis.

    In those terms, I agree with Anonymous that there are men, who are natural ultimate alphas.

    True, a small percentage. Does not negate anything I have mentioned in these 5 or 6 replies.

    ReplyDelete
  38. I AM PISSED IF A WOMAN ACCUSES ME “YOU JUST WANT SEX”, A WOMAN WHO HAS ALREADY THREE DIGITS. – Her/his number of partners should not be a green or red light signal. That’s just dense! Especially coming from a guy who is irritable about women snarling about the idea of men improving himself/working on himself.
    You don’t like to be judged based on things that you do or say, yet you do it to others.

    I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT WOMAN, AND MY EXPERIENCE IS NOT LIMITED TO ONE WOMAN.” I realize that, but I was talking about one woman, a woman that “AFTER SOME TIME “..you.. “START DEMANDING CHASTITY FROM THE (IF)” you.. ”WILL COMMIT.”

    WOMEN BASICALLY HAVE NO RESPECT FOR MEN IMPROVING THEMSELVES. I do not agree. Growing up in the country where people marry young with nothing to their name and live with parents/in-laws for a good chuck of their married life – you can not help but see your partner’s growth and development right in front of your eyes. Divorce rate has skyrocketed in the last 10 years when young couples were given opportunity for a financial help by traveling to another country(ies), leaving another partner behind. Both men and women traveled – depending on the opportunity offered.
    Disappointed part is knowing the potential of your partner and see them selling themselves short!

    ReplyDelete
  39. Thanks z.g. for the paraphrase.Now how 'bout starting your own blog!

    ReplyDelete
  40. @z.g. - as in the "Making a porno movie" there is another twist to the plot you outlined above: Only by becoming the(asshole) guy who gets to easily bang other chicks can the tragic hero turn into a desirable male.

    Imagine a movie would start by showing a guy being to shy to ask a girl to dance before they show the guy ditching chicks with a cold hearted look. for most guys in the audience this wouldn't make a difference. Most girls, however, would not feel anything for the dude. It's the fact that they have seen him as desirable makes all the difference in the world.

    ReplyDelete
  41. Hello Selfish,

    Here am I, quoting again:

    Her/his number of partners should not be a green or red light signal.

    See, I was saying that in a context.

    The context is: A woman who has enjoyed lots of casual sex, accusing me of being interested into casual sex.

    Though got to say, a woman who has enjoyed has to be screened very carefully if a long term relationship is wanted. The best way to explain this is "A woman needs to adore your dick", and a woman who has had casual sex in vast amounts has little chance of doing so. If you want, I can write a longer response just on this topic..

    That’s just dense!

    Maybe. But it is denser from that woman to think that I will accept sex in exchange for emotional investment, if that sexuality has been exchanged for pure sexuality in her past. See, "It was just sex, it meant nothing, you mean more" does not fly (anymore). If I mean more, I want better treatment, in the way I describe it

    Especially coming from a guy who is irritable about women snarling about the idea of men improving himself/working on himself.

    Now, how is it comparable: A man improving himself, vs. a woman banging around?

    A woman improving herself would be a woman who is basically keeping her sexuality-love connection intact, and learning ways to better share a life with "the one". Not enjoying sex and city and then deciding it is time for the pink fence.

    You don’t like to be judged based on things that you do or say, yet you do it to others.

    I am judged by what I say. I dont like it if my answers to that are disregarded and insulted. Everybody judges, and my life turned when I found the freedom in me to judge with my standards.

    I realize that, but I was talking about one woman, a woman that “AFTER SOME TIME “..you.. “START DEMANDING CHASTITY FROM THE (IF)” you.. ”WILL COMMIT.”

    Dont women demand status, power, finance, humor etc, or at least the potential to, when committing to a man? But then, I was still not talking about one woman's effect on my words.

    I do not agree. Growing up in the country where people marry young with nothing to their name and live with parents/in-laws for a good chuck of their married life – you can not help but see your partner’s growth and development right in front of your eyes.

    I grew up in a similar environment, and there also the 10-15 attractive girls in high school were rotated by the handful players, but that will not be my point.

    In your case, the partner is growing, albeit mostly financially, for the sake of the already existing small family, not for his sake. He is growing to provide better for an already existing wife, he is growing for children of the already established family.

    Now you'll say, what about the PUA gurus? Dont women know they studied to get there? Yes, they know, but they never got to see, got to meet the starting point. If they knew tha starting point or met these guys while aware of them training, things would play out differently. Now the guys are alreay established themselves as attractive men, so, "he was always like that"..

    A guy who is bettering himself to (not only) to increase his sexual success is downright disgusting for women, if they meet him before he has achieved some level, and know he is working on it.

    Like I said, alphas are born, if you ask women. (Here, alpha is defined as "man who makes me wet", not "sergeant who saved all his troop from near death", or not "fireman who rescued 20 people from a burning ship".)

    Disappointed part is knowing the potential of your partner and see them selling themselves short!

    In your context, exactly true. Why? Because he was selected for his potential.

    ReplyDelete
  42. @z.g. -A guy who is bettering himself to (not only) to increase his sexual success is downright disgusting for women, ------ THAT! RIght there is what i do not understand or maybe just do not want to understand. A guy increasing his sexual success? What is that? That's what being PUA is all about, is not it? And if that's what you are doing - working on scoring girls with ease then you should not look at women as future wives and mothers. During this particular improvement phase you should only live in NOW and take the partners that you are having sex with in NOW! Sex is something that you HAVE TO be completely present for in that moment - as i am sure that you already know. Men can separate just sex, or potential long term interest, or respectful future mother, etc. Women can not! I think unconsciously it's always a maybe possibility when it comes to their sex partners. With that said, we will evaluate you a little more than just will he be a good fuck tonight? Most will take in consideration the little info that they can to make up their mind whether they will have sex with that person, is there a future potential? That's why we pay more attention to what you wear, body language, number of credit cards, jobs, etc. I am not writing about anything that you do not already know. Keeping all that in mind,maybe the reason that "a guy who is bettering himself to (not only) to increase his sexual success is downright disgusting for women" is becauses it's unacceptable to her that THAT IS ALL that he is doing to better himself. It might be because at times it seems like it's easier to get laid for a woman then it is for a man - maybe, i do not know! Maybe it is because we want to be with someone who has it all and can do it all. So just to be sucessful with getting women's attention is not enough. I do not know, just a guess.

    ReplyDelete
  43. Though got to say, a woman who has enjoyed has to be screened very carefully if a long term relationship is wanted. The best way to explain this is "A woman needs to adore your dick", and a woman who has had casual sex in vast amounts has little chance of doing so. ---- Completely agree!

    that sexuality has been exchanged for pure sexuality in her past. See, "It was just sex, it meant nothing, you mean more" does not fly (anymore). ---- It is never JUST sex for a woman.

    ReplyDelete
  44. Sipping my coffee, smiling. Been putting a spoon of organic cocoa powder in my coffees, man am I amazed. Running around like a horny goat.

    Nevertheless, I will enjoy replying, SelfishYouGuess,

    THAT! Right there is what i do not understand or maybe just do not want to understand. A guy increasing his sexual success? What is that? That's what being PUA is all about, is not it?

    What is make up about? Push up bra? The well studied coy smile. Well studied "look at him for a second, then look down, then look back up after 3.5 seconds" eye move? Tight jeans?

    Though I could rewrite sexual success as reproductive success, if that would give a clearer idea.

    And if that's what you are doing - working on scoring girls with ease

    Most guys are not looking for "with ease", they are looking for "one chance".

    See, as a woman you are unaware that the majority of men are invisible to you in the relationship context. And an even bigger majority is invisible in the casual sex context.

    Talking about ease:
    Not really "with ease", but rather, without magnitudes of more work than the previous guys.

    Here is one of my own bible's verses:

    "The present and future value of a vagina is dictated by its past usage"

    As a preemptive explanation: you may come back with, "Are women only vagina's", of course not. When i like/love a woman, it is her whole being, but somehow the first thing which goes away if something goes bad, is sex.

    And, if there was no sex, she would not be a wife/gf in the first place, but a good buddy.

    Men can separate just sex, or potential long term interest, or respectful future mother, etc. Women can not!

    See, so I have the necessity to actually judge a woman based on her sexual past. Lots of casual sex then means either of two things:

    - She has separated sex from love - in this case it also means love got separated from sex, which will eventually mean, in a realtionship, pure sexual lust stains love.

    - She has not separated sex from love. Does a man really want a woman who falls in and out of love so fast?

    - She does not enjoy sex for sex, or sex for feelings, but sex as a trade.

    See, it... is... necessary!

    With that said, we will evaluate you a little more than just will he be a good fuck tonight?

    Being good in bed is just part of bettering himself. Body language, using his voice, knowing what to speak, most importantly knowing to respect and follow his instincts/balls/guts, etc...

    Most will take in consideration the little info that they can to make up their mind whether they will have sex with that person, is there a future potential?

    That is what I was also getting at.

    Possessing a "future potential" kills a man's casual sex chances no matter how much "sexual potential" he has (up to a threshold of course)

    That's why we pay more attention to what you wear, body language, number of credit cards, jobs, etc. I am not writing about anything that you do not already know.

    But see, all these are parts of bettering himself.

    Keeping all that in mind,maybe the reason that "a guy who is bettering himself to (not only) to increase his sexual success is downright disgusting for women" is becauses it's unacceptable to her that THAT IS ALL that he is doing to better himself.

    Here I understand that you understood:

    "A guy bettering himself to increase his sexual success"

    As

    "A guy only improving his sexual skills in order to bed many women"

    Please reread and notice the difference.

    It might be because at times it seems like it's easier to get laid for a woman then it is for a man - maybe, i do not know!

    to get laid, a woman has to show availability, to get laid a man has to show the right quality for the given interaction.

    Quality here: bad attitude, aloofness, charm, intelligence, a good body, etc etc, and any combination of those.

    Maybe it is because we want to be with someone who has it all and can do it all.

    What are you bringing to the table?

    ReplyDelete
  45. Selfish, I will give you a simple example:

    The index of a dating book for men.

    find one, and look at it, you'll be amazed of the variety it contains.

    Let's take for example body language.

    I am very interested in the topic mainly because of my nice guy friends, and the bouncer friends, and the difference in the way they act, and that I act.

    For example, a friend always tries to turn his palm down when shaking my hand, I keep it neutral looking at him. Apparently he talked to another friend, who had a sudden change in his neutral handshake to the turning one, until he gave up trying. A simple example of the nuances of body language.

    Now,

    If I were to take a body language book out to a busy caffee in the small town that I am in, and a woman would notice, and inquire about it,

    If I were to outright say,

    "I am reading to find info on how I can have a better posture so I will be more attractive to women",

    No matter if I am Son Of Zeus, I will be labeled a loser. Why, "You are born with it".

    But if I were to say

    "I think it is an interesting topic and everybody with an interest into human skills should learn about it". I will be taken as a boring nerd who likes to read. Because once again, "you are born with it", and reading about it tells me I am not born with it.

    Now,

    If I were to chickbabble,

    "I am very interested into interpersonal relationships, and I like to observe people interacting with eachother. I noticed that the way they behave tells me more about what they say to eachother. Reading about body language helps me to more accurately define the relationships between these people. for example, I many times knew a love relationship ended before the boyfriend did (which is sadly true). when observing people in a group, knowing who the leader is, and knowing other member's status makes my observation very accurate. for example, do you see that couple over there bla bla bla",

    I will come accross as a guy who "was definitely born with it, does not need it for himself", but am reading it out of entertainment to have a better time from a fun activity.

    And the fact that this script would be a sample for a coffee shop pickup guide, tells me "for a known input, in a certain environment/context, the results will statistically be same"

    Women are snowflakes.

    All different. But all snowflakes.

    But do you see the difference?

    One man has it, one man is working to have it (i.e. inferior)

    that is the reason why when a man starts failing shit tests, women feel betrayed. He was inferior.

    I can continue to babble, so I cut it here.

    ReplyDelete
  46. Need to edit. Forgot to finish the paragraph:

    And the fact that this script would be a sample for a coffee shop pickup guide, tells me "for a known input, in a certain environment/context, the results will statistically be same"; meaning, when dealing with women, statistically we are not dealing with very differing individuals, and selected inputs will provide known outputs in the majority of the cases.

    (what changes the total outcome will be other factors)

    ReplyDelete
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