Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Ego Boosters

The better beta (aka Mark Baachman) put up an interesting post about the female tendency to come up with pseudo male ego boosters, typically at the early stages of a relationship.

We all know them. Here are some classic examples:

"No one has ever made me cum like you do."
"This was the best sex I ever had."

"You are so big."
"You and me have the perfect physical fit."

"I've never done this before."

All of these lines are obviously designed to stroke the male ego (and as Mark lines out rather clearly all of them are easily dismissed if you really think about it).

Just think back to the time of your own initial experiences, or read the posts on internet boards by insecure, inexperienced guys who are striving to become better with women:
Guys with little sexual experience often get plagued by enormous doubts about their erection size and duration, sexual performance, or whether or not she orgasmened.

All of that stems from one and the same fear:
Has any of my predecessors achieved to induce similar or greater pleasure to my girl?

Of course, all of this goes away once a man climbs up the sexual hierarchy. Increased experience proves any man that what he really should focus on during sex is his own pleasure, not hers. After banging a barage of chicks in rapid succession a man will also realize that worries about "technique" and "performance" are male concepts and irrelevant to girls. Great sex for women is defined by their emotional experience before during and after. And when it comes to penis size - as a good friend of mine once put it: "It's like worrying whether your mouth is too small for talking. Once you give speeches regularly the whole idea just seems absurd."

So who is the target when a woman pretends to be inexperienced and overwhelmed by the sexual prowess of her current lover? The fact that the occurrence of these lines is strongly linked to relationships might be a clue. While the ultimate female fantasy is the paradox of having a beta-ized relationship with an alpha male, most girls do not succeed in tying down the top dogs. Most long term relationships are held by guys who fall in the middle of the "Fuck, Marry, Kill" trichotomy.

It is conceivable, then, that women use these lines in relationships with the (unconscious) assumption that they are dealing with a rather inexperienced man. And in order to achieve commitment she will have to deal with his doubts (on paternity certainty), especially if it is clear that she has experience. A man might be more likely to stick with a woman if he believes that she is unlikely to find a better sexual experience somewhere else. There is a reason that men throughout cultures world wide prefer to marry virgins.

But, how come women say these things even if you obviously are a highly experienced man?

There are two clues for that. The first is that women seem to really believe these lines when they say them. It is a classic example of the female "what I feel is what is real". Women in relationship often describe their previous sexual experiences as "faded away". Female promiscuity does not arise from a desire to have many partners in rapid succession. The female mind is able to absolutely focus on the man at hand (no pun intended).
The other clue is that pretty much every guy I know has heard one or more of the above at least once in their lives. This consistency across women and circumstances suggests a deeper, presumable biological (instinctive) root. Just like shit tests, there might be a genetic basis for this type of behavior.

Taken together, there is reason to believe that when in a relationship, women will go through an emotional phase where they fantasize about the sexual prowess of the man they are about to "get more serious with". In my experience this happens at the exact transition from (ir)regular "sexing" to "seeing" each other. More so, women will do so regardless of the type of man they are with, thereby inducing the feelings that are well described in Mark's post if the man is experienced enough to cut through the bull. The ultimate reason for this strange behavior is to soothe a man into a state of higher (assumed) paternity certainty.
It therefore is just another shit test.


  1. It is a classic example of the female "what I feel is what is real".

    Or in Seinfeldese, "it's not a lie if you believe it."

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  2. Interesting points, but don't you think you're reading into this too much? 'Shit test' implies a test that you can presumably fail, and lower her attraction.

    Guys like to get their ego stroked, and girls who are good at game know how to stroke a guy's ego. I don't think it's necessarily a response to whether they think the guy is beta or not.

    She could also be giving a genuine compliment, or using her comment to help rationalize her actions, or furthering her own emotional experience by playing the part of one who is sexually overwhelmed.

  3. @Casual -

    I share Mark's doubts about how genuine these compliments could be. Concerning penis size, for example, the percentile of guys within less than 1/2 of an inch around the median is large enough to contain a majority. Yet, according to my guy friends, they all have heard multiple times that they are the biggest the woman ever had (which, of course, is true and understandable in my case only).

    But that's an interesting idea about the girl rationalizing her actions or furthering her own sexual experiences (such as by boosting a guys level of confidence). I bet that is part of the story.

    Yet, this doesn't take form the fact that any affirmative response will have you buy into her beta-ization attempt. I still think that a man will fare best by handling it as shit test. If you here her compliment you on your tools and sex skills, shrug it off. Only thing to care about when it comes to the sack department is how happy she makes you.

  4. How do you mess with a PUA at a club? Stroke his ego. It'll fuck his whole night.

  5. women fall in love with the image of a man they hold in their mind, *ahem* heart. It is when the man does something to irrevocably damage this image that she hates him the most. think of the fallen alphas, the men in marriage berated constantly by their wives...the women hate that this once proud man has degenerated into a sniveling coward the likes of which she would never adore.

  6. One other reason women say these things because they want to hear the same thing, or the equivalent, from men. I remember reading some guy's list of "femalese" translated into plain English, with what women say on one side and what they really mean on the other, and "I love you" came out as "Tell me you love me." I think that about says it all. I once had a girlfriend (sex-friend, more accurately) for whom the sentence "No woman has ever made me feel like this" acted as a kind of magic spell. It didn't even matter to her whether I meant it or not; just speaking or writing it in a rote manner was enough to induce boundless happiness and horniness. She had a couple other phrases like that that gave her emotional orgasms, but that's the big one I remember.

  7. @Expatriot - excellent point. Very, very true.

  8. Curiously I've had these sort of comments on ONS's. So either the womam involved assumes I'm a potential LTR partner and does the ego stroking...or I really do have a big cock.

    - Breeze

  9. I suggest you all read up on what Consent means under various state laws:

    Arousal is NOT consent.


  10. @ Denise - WTF? Seriously.

    We were discussing the female tendency to compliment a guy during consensual intercourse and you bring up the topic of rape? I serioulsy hope you are just trolling.

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