Thursday, March 4, 2010

Relationship Game (I): Taken in Hand

"For a woman qua woman, the essence of femininity is hero-worship—the desire to look up to man. “To look up” does not mean dependence, obedience or anything implying inferiority. It means an intense kind of admiration; ... It means that a properly feminine woman does not treat men as if she were their pal, sister, mother—or leader."
Ayn Rand (About a Woman President)

Monad from MGTOW posted a link to an interesting web page at advocatus diaboli's blog the other day. Monad left no further comment. I was intrigued and clicked the link. On first sight, seems like a web page for advocates of "traditional marriage". There are even links dedicated to Christian readers. But as one spends some time browsing through their material it gets increasingly clear that actually is about something entirely different.

There is little surprise that conservative minded people share the anti-feministic stance of certain parts of the seduction community (with some interesting exceptions). A good examples of this are the essays by Roger Devlin. Another would be the zeitgeist-opposed slut shaming of British tabloid Daily Mail. I even vaguely remember a link to a catholic web page to an essay about seduction theory.

Despite large agreement on the damage that feminism has caused to our lives as well as about the roles that women and men should have in relationships, there is also a point of disagreement. Conservatives are not interested in enabling men to live like Hugh Heffner. They push for monogamous, heterosexual marriage. And at first sight this web page is just that. But there is one interesting oddity that pops out:

"" actually is a site about hot sex. It is about the ultimate achievement of satisfying sex for "attached" women, to be precise.

The fact that a conservative platform for traditional gender roles turns into the unlikely meeting point for women to celebrate their orgasms is another piece of evidence for the generally submissive nature of female sexuality. Or, to rephrase it, the genital moisturizing effect of socially dominant alpha males. It also does away wit the notion that male dominance is something that women enjoy within the confines of the bedroom only. A good seducer knows - sex always starts outside the bedroom.

The fact that these women seem surprised, and even ashamed, for their exploration of a patriarchal lifestyle, and the effect it has on their libido is telling about the state of our society. "Taken in hand" relationships are far from the Master/Slave sex games of BDSM. Yet, these women act as if their desire for a husband with leadership qualities was a naughty kink. The reason for that may be partly due to the powerful sexual effect that these women experience. But it is more likely that they fear that their return to "traditional" gender roles will be seen as anti-feminist and therefore politically incorrect.

There is certain irony in the fact that as feminism has grown from a movement demanding "gender equality" in every sphere of life into a society with cherry picked benefits for women while conserving male obligations under the disguise of gender sameness. And the number one benefit modern women gained from the women's movement is sexual liberation. In a way it is like women were trying to create a society that caters to their sexual needs and in the process they unknowingly eliminated some the most powerful stimulants.

Not every woman enjoys male dominance and leadership in this way. The fact that most do, however, proves the submissive nature of femininity. Sex lives of the contrast between two opposing poles, such as the feminine and the masculine. A lot of what Relationship Game is all about is to keep up this tension that makes for good sex. And with most women this means that a man needs to make sure he does not give up his masculinity. It is not the flowers and romantic dinners that will keep a committed woman coming back for more sex. No. What we can learn from the women asking to be taken in hand is that all it takes for that is to be a man.


  1. being unapologetic for your choices as a man is the fastest and surest way to inspire (even if unadmitted) admiration from a woman. men make hard choices. men do hard shit. men die early. as such, we don't have time to apologize and tip toe on eggshells all the f'ing time. there's something about this which is ingrained in our psyche. To quote The Sopranos, "more is lost with indecision than wrong decision." we as a culture DO NOT LIKE WAFFLERS in our politics. In fact, to say someone is a waffler is actually worse to many than saying "he made the wrong choice". we literally would rather have a decision than quagmire of irresolution.

  2. Taken In Hand is actually a very important site for me and it helped a great deal in realizing how much women in general like to be dominated in their sexual relationship.

    Importantly it's not a Game/PUA/male site for the most part, but written a great doea by women. The biggest question on the site is along the lines of "How do I get my husband to do this to me?"

  3. @ John: there's something about this which is ingrained in our psyche.
    Yeah, we often forget that alpha males do not just impress women. Men are drawn to power as well. You inspired me to write a post about that.

    @ Athol The biggest question on the site is along the lines of "How do I get my husband to do this to me?"
    I know! This is the saddest part. It truly shows that your blog written for committed men is doing women a huge favor, too. You sure have a positive karma balance. Keep up the good work!

  4. Good point made by John Smith.

  5. this site explained to me the dynamic that was already developing between my husband and i as i totally let go of any remaining need or desire to dominate or direct him. we don't do the gay on-purpose spanking thing, but since he has become the unequivocal leader of our relationship the intimacy level that has been reached between us and the near constant sexual spark have been astonishing. it just stands to reason today that most LTR today are miserable because their members are at all time vying for power--marriage is a struggle that needs work, not a partnership of complementary personalities working together to create a harmonious home.

    i do have to reiterate--the hieratized, formal spanking is teh ghey though

  6. A relationship with emotional and physical closeness, that may involve sexuality or may come close to sexual expression, when desired.There is no aspiration to long-term commitment and no expectation of exclusivity.


  7. My 2nd husband of just 3 years, was so whipped by a demasculating 1st wife for 20 years, and his mother his entire life, that it took me 4 years of saying, "It's ok for your needs to be met, It is ok for you to be who you are" for him to start feeling comfortable being a man.

    For me, I love my husband and want him to have the life he wants. That is part of love. He's gone from being led by the nose in the bedroom (which I hated) to now he has come across sites like this and asking me to read it. He is happier with his life in general. He loves me and I trust him and it's great to see that he's healed up from his demoralizing and demasculating women in his life to finally want what any man is entitled have what he wants in and outside of the bedroom. I can finally be myself...his wife. I can't stress this enough moms out there...yes little boys need to be raised to respect women, but don't raise them that when they are adults you are still ruling over's abuse of the spirit.

  8. Pure but useful trivia:

    Web usage of "taken in hand" began with a long forgotten young woman using an apparently colloquial euphemism in describing what she expected a future husband to do when she needed disciplining. The term was subsequently picked up by the experienced husband from whom the young woman sought advice on the web. He, in turn, used the expression in other forums on the same subject where another young woman noticed it. The second young woman e-mailed the older man asking for permission to use the aphorism as the name of a website that she was in the process of creating, but had not yet named. He, in turn, said that it was not his to give since he had not originated it. Nevertheless, he wrote back that she was free to use it. Once the adage appeared on the budding website, the original young woman's gnome fell into popular usage.

  9. My blog is

    Princess x

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