Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Relationship Game (III) - Veteran Mode

Getting women anxious to sleep with you requires some skill.
No man gets born a seducer.
Some men pick up those skills early on in life and therefore aren't even aware about the mastery of their actions.
Others need to be more systematic in their approach of study. But it all boils down to one thing: It is a set of behaviors that gets women to swoon. And behaviors can be learned. 


Being in a mediocre relationship requires almost no skill. 
It happens naturally.
Women have an inherent need for both, naughty sex that frees her inner slut as well as a stable guy on their side. But only the latter gets full social approval. Thus, once you had sex multiple times with the same woman, she is likely to gravitate towards "wanting more".


Having great sex repeatedly with the same woman requires a lot of skill. 
The key to a great relationship is great sex.
There is an uphill battle to keep things hot and steamy. In order to get to the endless hot sex Nirvana without rotating partners, a man's skill required to get laid plus additional requirement. There are two main enemies that increasingly nag on a man's enjoyment of repeated devouring of a woman's flesh, if he does not take massive action to prevent them from happening:

1) The Coolidge Effect:
Most of us have encountered this famous phenomenon before: In short, with increasing amounts of time with the same partner, things start to cool off sexually. The name stems from an amusing anecdote:
One day American president Coolidge and his wife were touring a farm. The farmer bragged about a rooster that could copulate with hens all day long. To which the first lady wittily responded with "Oh. Tell that my husband". The president thought for a moment, then asked "With the same hen?". The farmer replied "Oh no. A different hen each time". And Coolidge said "Well, tell that my wife."


2) Beta-ization
While the well studied Coolidge effect affects both genders, the lesser known phenomenon of "betaization" is entirely gender specific. It arises from a conflict between social monogamy and women's emotional needs:

As stated above, the ideal sexual strategy for women is to secure a "Provider" while seeking children from men with higher sexual success rates ("Lovers" who do not invest in a single female but spread their genes among the population instead). As a result, women will feel warm and comfy for men who share their resources and hot and raunchy for men who refuse to do so.
Men want a good girl they can corrupt.
Women want a bad boy they can tame.

Every woman's dream is to gain a Lover type of man and turn him into a Provider. And evolution seems to have provided them with an instinctive set of tools to do so. And men often are rather susceptible to these techniques. "Giving up your balls" is just an extreme case of what can happen if guys don't resist betaization. Things typically are much more subtle. And start right after the initial sex (after-sex cuddling is a good example of the general phenomenon).

There are many problems that come with betaization, and one of them is that it hampers your sex life. Women continuously test a man where he stands in the Lover-Provider continuum. The response to these "shit tests" decides whether she will feel sexual attraction or not.

But while there is ample advice out there on how to handle shit test in order to get a woman to bed (see links on the right hand side), there is little advice on how to deal with betaization. One great exception is "Practical Female Psychology for the Modern Man". I will draw heavily from this book in the upcoming posts on more practical advice on handling sexual relationships with females.

Relationships are just a continuation of seduction. But there are some subtle differences in how things play out after the first bodily fluids got exchanged. When shit tests are concerned, for example, a man has already proven a certain Lover-status if she opened her legs. From now on, her tests will be much more subtle to figure out nuances and persistence given her betaization attempts.

A friend of mine once mused that most guys think they're out and give up their seduction attempts right at the point where a woman's emotional portal opens wide. The same type of guys tends to think that they are in when they have already lost the battle and are safely placed in friend of clown zone. When it comes to relationships it is similar. Right at the point where most guys believe they reached safe haven, the game has just actually become much tougher.

16 comments:

  1. in the game of life, men are sprinters...women are marathon runners.

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  2. Yeah, I'm readng all these relationship posts. I had a perfect relationship with a perfect 10 for almost eight years and then betatized. So I can relate to this and slot the learning points into my own theory.

    BTW, the manosphere needs a consistent spelling for "betatization". It's a very important concept.

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  3. Two of the authors of Practical Female Psychology are regular posters at the old school seduction board which is usually referred to by its four letter acronym. The relationships board there is a goldmine once you've figured out who the good posters are. There are *extensive* threads about betaization, screening, M/W-complex and relationship management in the archives. Most of the content in Practical Female Psychology originates from that board. The female archetypes discussed in CH7 -- the adventuress, the materialista, the good girl -- are for example just slightly more PC variants of the freak/hoe/good girl classification that has been used by many posters for years. ESW? First discussed in 2005. The EFA concept originates from a post that Franco wrote in 2005. And so on.

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  4. I see Alpha attraction building traits and Beta comfort building traits as quite different. Both are extremely important to master for LTR.

    Losing Alpha traits (aka wimping out) leaves only your positive Beta traits behind, but the fundamental error of Game is to misread this as that having good Beta Traits as a negative.

    That's why so many Game people just shred their own LTRs and then blame the woman. They purposely destory her comfort in the relationship thinking it builds attraction. Roissy's "no cuddle" advice is possibly the worst advice ever. Your body pumps Oxytocin - the cuddle hormone - after having orgasm, you're fighting biology and evolutionary psych here. You are precisely meant to cuddle at that exact moment.

    The next morning you get up and be an asshole to somebody else.

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  5. You've announced a very promising direction for follow up posts along this theme.

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  6. I would like to once again remind people that this only applies to dysfuctional and crazy women. A woman who has all her faculties in working order is not going to conduct shit tests or "betaize" her partner and then get irrationally upset when he becomes "beta."

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  7. JCS said: "A woman who has all her faculties in working order is not going to conduct shit tests or "betaize" her partner"

    I was going to disagree with this but then I saw the qualification "A woman who has all her faculties in working order". Damn few of those.

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  8. JCS said: "A woman who has all her faculties in working order is not going to conduct shit tests or "betaize" her partner"

    I was going to disagree with this but then I saw the qualification "A woman who has all her faculties in working order". Damn few of those.

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  9. JCS, I've come here to this thread to announce to you and everyone else that I've searched the world and interviewed every living woman on it. That's right. I approached and talked to all 3.5 billion of them. No stone un-turned for you, my fellow XY-laden friend. (Though I do say that last Inuit hut in Kamchatka was a real bitch to find.) My great lesson learned from all this wandering is that there is no woman on earth who doesn't shit test or "who has her faculties in order". You can take your pick of either conclusion. The bottom line is the same: if you're going to successfully live around vagina, you're going to have to deal with shit tests (and/or female mental faculties and communication that differ from your own).

    ...And the very first shit test is recognizing that you have to deal with yet other shit tests.

    /Sarcasm off

    On a more serious note... that "Practical Female Psychology" book by South, Clare, and Franco is golden. Very worth a man's time and money.

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  10. My great lesson learned from all this wandering is that there is no woman on earth who doesn't shit test or "who has her faculties in order".

    Incorrect.

    The bottom line is the same: if you're going to successfully live around vagina, you're going to have to deal with shit tests (and/or female mental faculties and communication that differ from your own).

    No, I don't.

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  11. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  12. @Jesus Christ Supercop

    care to elaborate?

    @11minutes

    why no updates? this is one of my bookmarked blogs!

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  13. What is there to elaborate? What he said was simply incorrect, and his assessment of what I supposedly have to do was likewise incorrect.

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  14. Interesting thoughts. Awesome to see Impro linked to on the sidebar, as well -- stupendous book i've blogged on, myself.

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  15. This Jesus Christ Supercop, I suspect by the simple, uneleborated, "just-no-because-I-said-no" type of answers, is a woman...how typical.

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    ReplyDelete