In this prelude I will first investigate the need for Relationship Game. This relates to the question when a man can stop worrying about the things he learned during pick-up (tl;dr: never), as well as the question as to why a high status male might decide to spend more time with one and the same girl while he could go and meet many new ones instead. We will touch slightly on the overlap between between pick up game and relationship game, but delve deeper onto this issue within the next post of this series.
To start off, here is a quote from a recent post at roissy's blog about pick up and relationships that gets right at the heart of the issue:
"A sneering accusation often heard from the arid, anti-seduction crowd is that the self-professed pickup gurus are never seen with a girlfriend, or otherwise have trouble keeping a girl for longer than a few weeks. Pay it no heed. It is the feeble bleat of the envious and the insecure."
I believe that that he is right in that good seducers do not even manage to have fulfilling relationships, but make for the best partners in romantic relationships. The reason for that is that it takes a man to truly understand how women tick to avoid the many pitfalls that come with extended periods of time spent together. More than that, it takes an almost intuitive insight into social dynamics for a man to be prepared for what happens when a woman decides she want more than a one time shot from a guy:
"Relationships are merely a continuation of pickup by other means."
The reason that there is the lingering notion that men who use Game are men who stay outside/cannot keep up with relationships is two-fold:
1) Men who are good at seducing women will be far more selective than regular men (lacking options) in their decision of whom they enter a relationship with.
2) Aspiring PUAs often lack the skill to keep a woman interested for extended periods of time.
Both these cases illustrate a somewhat surprising point: In order to pick a woman up, you merely need to have social status than the other available men. It is relatively easy to be "alpha" for a few hours. But, in order to have her faithfully stay on your side, you will need to up that initial value substantially since the commitment alone lowered your social status from alpha to beta, and she will instinctively try to beta-ize you even more.
So, ironically,with regard to the amount of work you put in to game the women, it is easier to have one night stands than to be in a relationship.This is important since many men hearing about Game say they “just” want a monogamous relationship. Yet, what they seek is the hardest of all possible options:
If you lack Game, you are almost guaranteed to fail in your relationship (think: maternal frigidity, paternity theft, divorce etc).
If you have some Gaming skills, you can have more sex than most married men but you still might fail (think: the initial successes of PUAs, just to end up being dumped after a short time)
You need Game at the mastery level for initial attraction and long term attraction to avoid fail (think again about “just” having a girl friend)
There is almost no material out there on how to use what we learned as men about the female psyche for pick-up purposes within relationships (we will talk about the glorious exceptions in this and following posts). Yet, many men seek relationships (whether it is one or many; serial or in parallel). And this includes some of the greatest "Ladies Men" on the web. No wonder then that one of roissy's most popular posts was on relationship game. The success story roissy recounts of his reader "Dave in Hawaii" who turned around his ailing marriage thanks to what he learned about Game really is worth a read.
And Dave in Hawaii is not the only one. The other day I stumbled up a post by The Real Assanova wholinked to this blog on "Married Man Sex Life". I share Assanova's enthusiasm. This site is sheer excellence, even for us non-married guys. The author's autobiography sounds like that of Joe Average from Everytown, USA:
"I’ve never been overly excited about the idea of marriage... She always seemed to like the idea, and honestly I never really thought about what I was doing getting married. I just wanted to sleep with her. All. The. Time. So I just got married to her. No question of whether it was really a good idea or not."
The crucial difference to the standard story of Modern American Life is this:
"We’re hitting 15 years together, and apparently that’s twice the national average."
And how does he think he did that?
"My approach to marriage is part a married spin on Game, part Evolutionary Psychology, part Sex Ed, part Self-Help. Mostly it’s about learning what it is about you that unlocks the Holy Grail between your wifes legs."
The secret to his success is:
"Staying sexually attractive ... is a life long requirement."
And this is achieved via the Golden Rule of Relationship Game:
"Alpha Male traits build sexual attraction. Beta Male traits build relationship comfort.
A male failing to supply either of these two generalized needs, will cause a female to become unhappy, and likely seek satisfaction outside the marriage, or simply become depressed and cut sex down to the minimum to sustain the relationship."
This really sums it up. While the easiest, fastest and most promising way of getting into a woman's pants is to come across as High Status Male, this is not sufficient for keeping her around. Likewise, it is easiest to default into a Provider Male role during relationship, but it will get her to gradually lose any sexual interest. In order to have mind blowing sex with the same woman over and over again, a man needs to be able to juggle both opposing forces.
This is why there is need for Relationship Game. It is the most desirable of women only who a man of options would like to see (and do) more than once. And it is the most desirable women who demand the highest degree of this kind of double-satisfaction.