Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Sex and Philosophy

"In her I live, a mote minute
Dancing a moment in the sun:
In her I die, a sterile shoot
Of nightshade in oblivion.
"

[A. Crowley - At Sea]

Some years ago I sat naked, barely draped with a thin paper towel, in a white fluorescent light-lit room and stared in utter panic into the eyes of a calm woman. She had just old me that I might have a cancer.

I have had stomach problems ever since early childhood, but I had always tried to cure myself with over the counter medication. When I finally made the step and got a gastroenterologist look down my throat,  large parts of my internal tissue had suffered enough damage to require a more thorough investigation.

The visual impression gave my doctor much concern. I either had an acute inflammation causing multiple ulcers, or something more serious was at work. I had to wait several days for the histologist to report back.

Several days with my mind on nothing but the big what if. A stomach carcinoma leaves little hope, and my doc left little doubt - I was just one of many she had seen this week who might not make it to the end of the year. I had to be become mentally prepared. And I did.

There are lots of cliches about the brevity of life. And even more platitudes about people who ditched certain death. The truth is, if you have never experienced what it is like if you have serious reason to assume a high probability of impending death, no words will ever get you in the mental state of a true survivor.

There is a big difference between knowing about life's finiteness and feeling it. Every breath you take, every sound you hear, every taste you ever had, everything takes on a new meaning when you feel that from now on you can count the times they occur. Life itself becomes so precious, anything else pales compared to its magnificence. The deepest love and the most excruciating pain - they become alike in value. Because they will be gone once you are.
Everything will be gone for you, with you, when you are gone.

There is enormous freedom in that state of mind. Your entire ambition becomes to live just for another moment. Nothing else counts. The people around you become strangers, possessed by an evil invisible force that drives them to not enjoy every single moment as you are. If you care enough about them, you want to shake them, tell them to stop worrying about their petty little worries and go and live! But you know that you now talk a language they will never understand.

But the state of mind of a survivor state of mind is short lived.

Soon after I had been told that my ulcer was benign, I slipped back into my old life. As soon as your time horizon fades back into a foggy future, you start worrying the human worries again. You need money. You do not want anyone to steal your stuff. You do not want to risk serious injury or disease. You do not want to fall behind your peers. The evil invisible force gets you under its control again.

Except, not quite.

Once you took a sip from the spring of wisdom, it is hard to forget its taste. And in my case, there is a constant reminder of that day in the white room with my butt on that cold examination table. The cells in my esophagus have suffered irreparable damage. My chances of them developing into a carcinoma within the next decades are akin to flipping a coin. I will not live as long as my peers. And I know that this is just one sword of Damocles dangling above my head.

Yet, you cannot live all the time like any day is your last.

If you do, it soon will be. If you want to enjoy the little time you have to taste, hear, feel, move, love and think, you will also have to eat a lot of shit.

So what is the solution?

There is one aspect of sex we all can learn.
It is all about the moment.

Seducers know that for sex to happen, there are brief "windows of opportunity" that shut forever once past. Women select for men who have the ability to seize the moment in a literal sense.

But even if used, a woman can lose interest any moment. Getting to have sex is like jumping from moment to moment like across a set of slippery stones across a shallow, but fierce river.

And sex itself is nothing but a race for the ultimate moment. All the words and touches, kisses and moans. They all lead up to a single brief moment. It is within the split second at the height of ecstasy that we see ourselves the most fulfilled sexually. But as soon as it arrives, it passes. Leaving us in bliss, but with a mere memory of the brilliant light right after the explosion of the giant cosmic bomb in our head.

Life is not a parade of great experiences, one after another. It is trite, mundane, often boring, exhausting and insignificant. But then there are the brief flickers of exception The amazing moments. And it is those that we live for. And the art of life is not to miss out on them. Once you miss the moment, it is gone forever.

Don't try to seize the whole day. Seize the best parts of it. Use the rest of the time to recharge for the next great event that makes your life.

36 comments:

  1. Ever heard of "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle? The whole Real Social Dynamics branch of the seduction community swears by it. It's really good and talks about a lot of this stuff.

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  2. Getting stomach cancer would indeed blow.

    Wishing you meet your fate later rather than sooner.

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  3. This is very true. I'm relieved to hear you didn't have cancer after all. We all let so many moments go by though, it is very sad.

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  4. Thanks, guys.
    Some posts are not that easy to write.

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  5. brilliant post. i like the fine points. here are my favorite parts...

    "Some years ago I sat naked, barely draped with a thin paper towel, in a white fluorescent light-lit room and stared in utter panic into the eyes of a calm woman."

    i think i know that woman. not unattractive (if she's the one you later recommended to me). shoot me.


    "A stomach carcinoma leaves little hope, and my doc left little doubt - I was just one of many she had seen this week who might not make it to the end of the year."

    irresponsible of her, isn't it? she had you worried for naught. but you learned a deep lesson.

    "The people around you become strangers, possessed by an evil invisible force that drives them to not enjoy every single moment as you are."

    i'll remember that evil invisible force -- i have it in me.

    "But the survivor state of mind is short lived."

    "If you want to enjoy the little time you have to taste, hear, feel, move, love and think, you will also have to eat a lot of shit."

    you mean literally eat shit(!)? i'm not with you here.


    "Getting to have sex is like jumping from moment to moment like across a set of slippery stones across a shallow, but fierce river."

    brilliant. "shallow, but fierce" makes perfect sense. shallow, because nothing terrible happens when you misstep.

    "Don't try to seize the whole day. Seize the best parts of it. Use the rest of the time to recharge for the next great event that makes your life."

    great thought. and all the more meaningful to me -- having watched you do it.

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  6. This was a very good post, thank you. Yes, I wish that more men were able to enjoy the moments during sex, instead of scrambling for our climaxes as quickly as possible.

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  7. I could actually quote you. not that I haven't thought about this in my own little head, but you put it together in a brilliant way.

    p.s. crossing fingers for you and your health for a second.

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  8. Thanks for this post. I needed it. I was once waiting an impending diagnosis for a very serious illness that would slowly kill me in the next ten years and I was dumb enough to do enough research to see that I fitted all the symptoms. And I had the same realisation as you.

    And then I found out I don't have something bad, though I do have a chronic illness and scarred organs and an approximately 35% chance of being dead from a chronic illness in 20 years or less. And for a while I swore to improve my life.

    But now I have returned to my old procrastinating ways. This post just made me realise how stupid I have been acting lately.

    - Breeze

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  9. is this blog ever coming back? it was a great read...

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  10. I miss the blog. This was a really great post.

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  11. Good post, talked about the exact same subject with my girl this evening. Seven years of latin school has thought me a lot of philosophy, but this subject never ceases to loose interest..

    keep koel and regards from the Dutch Windies..

    J

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  12. correction: 'never ceases to loose interest' isn't very positive eh? - my english sucks - what I meant was it keeps fascinating..

    J

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  13. Any updates coming soon? I miss my weekly dose of evo-psyche and seduction.

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  14. Thanks for the continued encouragement!

    You guys might have noticed that I still maintain the blog, deleting all spam comments that pop up from the Far East.

    Times are tumultuous for me at the moment, but I will soon post again. Stay tuned.

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  15. Glad to hear you didn't have cancer, I had a similar shock about testicular cancer one time - waiting for those results was hell!

    "Life is not a parade of great experiences, one after another. It is trite, mundane, often boring, exhausting and insignificant. But then there are the brief flickers of exception The amazing moments."

    I just can't agree with this - I agree that there have been times in my life when this was the case - but these days, every day is just this world of greatness. What changed? I took control of my life and my lifestyle and everyday i now live the way I want to - I do stuff I enjoy, I have friends around me I enjoy the company of, and of course.. women.

    I didn't know that it was possible - I was always fighting for something better - and it took some big risky decisions, that people around me advised me not to do - because it was 'out there' to get me here. That's what we battle against... I think we know when we aren't living up to our nature, but we have so much trying to keep us down and away from how we really want to live.

    "And it is those that we live for. And the art of life is not to miss out on them. Once you miss the moment, it is gone forever."

    --> Sure, we have to learn to take opportunities- and most of all to SEE them in the first place.

    "Don't try to seize the whole day. Seize the best parts of it. Use the rest of the time to recharge for the next great event that makes your life."

    --> total agreement with you here. I would love to seize the whole day, but everytime I - or we - try to do that - we end up having a mediocre whole day. There is only so much energy within us - and we have to have 'recharging' times weekly and daily to develop and have the energy resources to make the most of life the rest of the day.

    I'd add that a mistake most people make is thinking that 'energy resources' are not able to be improved upon. With clean diet, fitness and sleep habits - and good emotional support around you - and doing what you want (eliminating negative emotional resistance from your life) creates much higher capacity levels of energy in your life.

    Thanks for the post man - kicked my thoughts into gear this morning :-)

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  16. @ Angel:

    I just can't agree with this - I agree that there have been times in my life when this was the case - but these days, every day is just this world of greatness. What changed? I took control of my life and my lifestyle and everyday i now live the way I want to - I do stuff I enjoy, I have friends around me I enjoy the company of, and of course.. women.

    One reason I put up this post (and have it hang there since months) is that my personal experience is that it is impossible to keep that state up forever.

    I was there. I felt the way you describe. Exactly like that. It lasted quite a while, too.

    But I could not hold it. I had to give room to compromise. Even if it might be temporary.

    Why?

    Because ultimately a man seeks purpose. And that often requires sacrifice one way or another. Or, at the very least, a trade-off between long term happiness and short term pleasure.

    I could have stayed on the path I was on, and I was about to do that. But now I know that my every day happiness would not have reached its ultimate potential if I stayed focused on the hedonistic "little" pleasures forever.

    I have a big but achievable goal in my life - thinking about it makes me feel warm inside like nothing else - and just hanging out with friends, working out, eating healthy, enjoying women and making the money I need to sustain this life style does not get me there.

    It was quite a realization that I need to give up some parts of my dream (such as living in the place I feel happiest) - at least for a while - in order to get closer to what truly satisfies me the most.

    I think you can "have it all" - but it requires some (tough) work.

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  17. Dogen and Eleven,

    Will you guys be back?

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  18. Dogen is gone, but Eleven will be back soon. I had to take a hiatus, but your encouragements keep me interest in maintaining this blog.

    NOTE: I ACTIVATED CAPTCHAS TO GET RID OF THE CHINESE SPAMMER THAT FLOODED THIS BLOG.
    Sorry for the hassle to anyone else. It will get deactivated as soon as this bot gives up.

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  19. hey man, just wanted to swing by and say looking forward to updates

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  20. 我們必須先有哭泣,才有歡笑;也必須先感到人生的悲哀,然後才感到人生的快樂。................................................................

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  21. Great Blog! Would love to see you post again! However, even if you never do, you have given me so much wisdom ... I am off to put it to use. Thank you.

    - A New Yorker

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  22. What's up 11?

    You dont even clean out the Chinese spammer anymore? Anyways, looks like he's stopped, good riddance!

    Once more, thanks for all the insights. I have put your ideas to use in the last one month. I say again, yours is a great blog!

    - A New Yorker

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  24. This was one of your finest posts. I hope you'll write more someday.

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  25. Just a flat out great post. I hope you write some more soon.

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  26. Is this blog dead?

    The amount of good philosophical writer is still low on the internet..

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  27. Truly an amazing post man. I know this blog is dead, but I wanted to give my respects. You're an incredible writer

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  28. Good post. One must make the most out of one's life that you can. It's difficult making that first step but after that it is much easier.

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  29. Glad to see 11 and Master Dogen are both back on this blog. I have put your ideas to use in these last many months. Once more, thanks for all the insights.

    - A New Yorker

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  30. If you need your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend to come crawling back to you on their knees (even if they're dating somebody else now) you gotta watch this video
    right away...

    (VIDEO) Text Your Ex Back?

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