Sex and Philosophy

"In her I live, a mote minute
Dancing a moment in the sun:
In her I die, a sterile shoot
Of nightshade in oblivion."

[A. Crowley - At Sea]

Some years ago I sat naked, barely draped with a thin paper towel, in a white fluorescent light-lit room and stared in utter panic into the eyes of a calm woman. She had just old me that I might have a cancer.

I have had stomach problems ever since early childhood, but I had always tried to cure myself with over the counter medication. When I finally made the step and got a gastroenterologist look down my throat,  large parts of my internal tissue had suffered enough damage to require a more thorough investigation.

The visual impression gave my doctor much concern. I either had an acute inflammation causing multiple ulcers, or something more serious was at work. I had to wait several days for the histologist to report back.

Several days with my mind on nothing but the big what if. A stomach carcinoma leaves little hope, and my doc left little doubt - I was just one of many she had seen this week who might not make it to the end of the year. I had to be become mentally prepared. And I did.

There are lots of cliches about the brevity of life. And even more platitudes about people who ditched certain death. The truth is, if you have never experienced what it is like if you have serious reason to assume a high probability of impending death, no words will ever get you in the mental state of a true survivor.

There is a big difference between knowing about life's finiteness and feeling it. Every breath you take, every sound you hear, every taste you ever had, everything takes on a new meaning when you feel that from now on you can count the times they occur. Life itself becomes so precious, anything else pales compared to its magnificence. The deepest love and the most excruciating pain - they become alike in value. Because they will be gone once you are.
Everything will be gone for you, with you, when you are gone.

There is enormous freedom in that state of mind. Your entire ambition becomes to live just for another moment. Nothing else counts. The people around you become strangers, possessed by an evil invisible force that drives them to not enjoy every single moment as you are. If you care enough about them, you want to shake them, tell them to stop worrying about their petty little worries and go and live! But you know that you now talk a language they will never understand.

But the state of mind of a survivor state of mind is short lived.

Soon after I had been told that my ulcer was benign, I slipped back into my old life. As soon as your time horizon fades back into a foggy future, you start worrying the human worries again. You need money. You do not want anyone to steal your stuff. You do not want to risk serious injury or disease. You do not want to fall behind your peers. The evil invisible force gets you under its control again.

Except, not quite.

Once you took a sip from the spring of wisdom, it is hard to forget its taste. And in my case, there is a constant reminder of that day in the white room with my butt on that cold examination table. The cells in my esophagus have suffered irreparable damage. My chances of them developing into a carcinoma within the next decades are akin to flipping a coin. I will not live as long as my peers. And I know that this is just one sword of Damocles dangling above my head.

Yet, you cannot live all the time like any day is your last.

If you do, it soon will be. If you want to enjoy the little time you have to taste, hear, feel, move, love and think, you will also have to eat a lot of shit.

So what is the solution?

There is one aspect of sex we all can learn.
It is all about the moment.

Seducers know that for sex to happen, there are brief "windows of opportunity" that shut forever once past. Women select for men who have the ability to seize the moment in a literal sense.

But even if used, a woman can lose interest any moment. Getting to have sex is like jumping from moment to moment like across a set of slippery stones across a shallow, but fierce river.

And sex itself is nothing but a race for the ultimate moment. All the words and touches, kisses and moans. They all lead up to a single brief moment. It is within the split second at the height of ecstasy that we see ourselves the most fulfilled sexually. But as soon as it arrives, it passes. Leaving us in bliss, but with a mere memory of the brilliant light right after the explosion of the giant cosmic bomb in our head.

Life is not a parade of great experiences, one after another. It is trite, mundane, often boring, exhausting and insignificant. But then there are the brief flickers of exception The amazing moments. And it is those that we live for. And the art of life is not to miss out on them. Once you miss the moment, it is gone forever.

Don't try to seize the whole day. Seize the best parts of it. Use the rest of the time to recharge for the next great event that makes your life.

It ain't over 'til the fat lady sings

"Yo' woman is easy when you know the way"

[Bess]

How come the entire canon of Western literature seems to be off when it comes to women and their sexuality? Why did we have to wait for Evolutionary Psychology and some socially awkward nerds to come along for our eyes to be opened?

The answer is that the truth is suppressed. Blogs like this and the ones on the sidebar still get viciously attacked for certain parties because there is much at stake. Our society is based on the idea of women (and their sex) being a scarce commodity. Take that away and you take away the drive and ambition of common men that we all live off.

Yet, there were always men who were "in the know" (or the "secret society" as some like to call it). And they were spreading their insight. Once your eyes are open, you will see it all over the Western literary canon. The reason you might have missed it before is that it is but whispers here and there in order to escape the sure punishment initiated by the censorship that is public opinion. Master Dogen has written an insightful post about this interesting phenomenon, and hinted at the fact that the self censoring that kept writers carefully silent throughout the centuries has anything but disappeared. in fact, it might have gotten worse.

As someone who loves opera, I get continuously reminded of the occult undercurrent whose justification of existence seems to be the education of men with open ears, eyes and minds about the dark side of female sexuality in Western art. It is interesting that, while most operas are overly romantic, there are hardly any operatic dramas that adhere to the common sexual stereotypes of virtuous women and philandering men.

Some of the greatest operas out there deal with the devastating effect female infidelity has on men.  

Pagliacci is about a clown who discovers that his wife who works with him has a lover right before the show. He is forced to go out, smile and be funny for the audience while meeting his adulterous wife. It is hard not to get the chills when listening to a masterful performance of his heartfelt despair.



Mozart's Cosi Fan Tutte goes a step further. The title translates into "Thus do all [women]". And what he means by that is the fickle nature of their love and affection (aka inevitable cheating when the chance arises). the dark subject gets presented as a funny opera (opera buffa) and nobody really gets hurt since the women get seduced by their own fiances in disguise.

But it is Gershwin's Porgy and Bess that really tells it all (it is one of the few operas based on a true story).

"Don't you never let a woman grieve you
Jus' cause she got yo' weddin' ring.
She'll love you and deceive you,
Take yo' clothes and leave you
'Cause a woman is a sometime thing."

The protagonist, Porgy gets portrayed as a White Knight who saves the “liquor-guzzling slut” (actual lyrics) Bess from police persecution. He is an easy going nice guy who seems incapable of hurting anyone. And he falls hard for that woman and showers her with affection and presents. He has a disability which symbolically cripples his manhood even further in that he literally cannot stand up for himself.

What we learn about Bess is that her former boyfriend is a bad boy par excellence. His life is characterized by drugs, booze and violence that does not stop short of murder. He is courageous and "the only man" who is willing to face danger when it comes to saving a woman's life during a hurricane. Bess describes her time with him life this:

"These five years I been yo' woman,
You could kick me in the street,
Then when you wanted me back,
You could whistle, an' there I was
Back again, lickin' yo' hand."

According to her peer's judgment her sexual value is in decline ("Dat girl's thirty if she's a day!"), and it is no surprise then that Bess is ready to give up her bad boy Lover with his "hot hand" that he uses to "handle me and hold me so; it's going to be like dying." She'd rather be with Provider male Porgy. And for a while things work out great.

The trouble starts as her bad boy Lover returns and pushes for her affection ("I knows you' ain' change"). Bess is unable to resist and has sex with him within minutes.

Her sweet Provider husband Porgy forgives her quickly, but rightfully believes that his only way to secure her is to kill her previous lover. Bess approves. So he does. And almost gets away with it. But there is no happy ending. As he returns from the police station, he finds out that the woman he has killed for left him for another bad boy who enticed her with sweet talk and drugs. Bess has left South Carlina with her new lover to follow him to New York.

There has never been a more symbolic act for oneitis than Porgy leaving the final stage, hardly able to walk on his crutch (or goat cart, depending on the set) to get back to the woman who has betrayed him twice and almost completely destroyed his life.
"Oh, Lawd, I'm on My Way"

Relationship Game (III) - Veteran Mode

Getting women anxious to sleep with you requires some skill.
No man gets born a seducer.
Some men pick up those skills early on in life and therefore aren't even aware about the mastery of their actions.
Others need to be more systematic in their approach of study. But it all boils down to one thing: It is a set of behaviors that gets women to swoon. And behaviors can be learned. 


Being in a mediocre relationship requires almost no skill. 
It happens naturally.
Women have an inherent need for both, naughty sex that frees her inner slut as well as a stable guy on their side. But only the latter gets full social approval. Thus, once you had sex multiple times with the same woman, she is likely to gravitate towards "wanting more".


Having great sex repeatedly with the same woman requires a lot of skill. 
The key to a great relationship is great sex.
There is an uphill battle to keep things hot and steamy. In order to get to the endless hot sex Nirvana without rotating partners, a man's skill required to get laid plus additional requirement. There are two main enemies that increasingly nag on a man's enjoyment of repeated devouring of a woman's flesh, if he does not take massive action to prevent them from happening:

1) The Coolidge Effect:
Most of us have encountered this famous phenomenon before: In short, with increasing amounts of time with the same partner, things start to cool off sexually. The name stems from an amusing anecdote:
One day American president Coolidge and his wife were touring a farm. The farmer bragged about a rooster that could copulate with hens all day long. To which the first lady wittily responded with "Oh. Tell that my husband". The president thought for a moment, then asked "With the same hen?". The farmer replied "Oh no. A different hen each time". And Coolidge said "Well, tell that my wife."


2) Beta-ization
While the well studied Coolidge effect affects both genders, the lesser known phenomenon of "betaization" is entirely gender specific. It arises from a conflict between social monogamy and women's emotional needs:

As stated above, the ideal sexual strategy for women is to secure a "Provider" while seeking children from men with higher sexual success rates ("Lovers" who do not invest in a single female but spread their genes among the population instead). As a result, women will feel warm and comfy for men who share their resources and hot and raunchy for men who refuse to do so.

Men want a good girl they can corrupt.

Women want a bad boy they can tame.

Every woman's dream is to gain a Lover type of man and turn him into a Provider. And evolution seems to have provided them with an instinctive set of tools to do so. And men often are rather susceptible to these techniques. "Giving up your balls" is just an extreme case of what can happen if guys don't resist betaization. Things typically are much more subtle. And start right after the initial sex (after-sex cuddling is a good example of the general phenomenon).

There are many problems that come with betaization, and one of them is that it hampers your sex life. Women continuously test a man where he stands in the Lover-Provider continuum. The response to these "shit tests" decides whether she will feel sexual attraction or not.

But while there is ample advice out there on how to handle shit test in order to get a woman to bed (see links on the right hand side), there is little advice on how to deal with betaization. One great exception is "Practical Female Psychology for the Modern Man". I will draw heavily from this book in the upcoming posts on more practical advice on handling sexual relationships with females.

Relationships are just a continuation of seduction. But there are some subtle differences in how things play out after the first bodily fluids got exchanged. When shit tests are concerned, for example, a man has already proven a certain Lover-status if she opened her legs. From now on, her tests will be much more subtle to figure out nuances and persistence given her betaization attempts.

A friend of mine once mused that most guys think they're out and give up their seduction attempts right at the point where a woman's emotional portal opens wide. The same type of guys tends to think that they are in when they have already lost the battle and are safely placed in friend of clown zone. When it comes to relationships it is similar. Right at the point where most guys believe they reached safe haven, the game has just actually become much tougher.

Relationship Game (II) - The Basics

Imagine a world without any research, books, videos, web sites and blogs about seduction. Without any of the existing knowledge that we have, how do you think would the ideal educative material for men look like?

I believe it would take the form of a technical manual. A step-by-step guide, focused on the issue with clear concepts and a formalized, algorithmic problem solving. Just like one of these books that help you fix your car. Except it would be about women.

And this is precisely why Erik Markovic's Mystery Method has been so tremendously successful (it is fair to say that most other "schools" of seduction are just variants of his original approach).

Erik integrated the combined wisdom of the then small seduction community into a simple scheme. On the practical side, he divided the process of seduction into separate phases that dealt with two seemingly opposing theoretical concepts:

ATTRACTION + COMFORT = LAY

Over the many years that I have spoken with women about these topics, not a single one has ever questioned this fascinatingly simple concept. A woman needs both attraction and comfort to have sex with a man. On the flip side this means that the only obstacles to having sex with a woman is that she a) either isn't attracted to you, or b) not comfortable with the idea.

The important realization when it comes to relationships is that this law still applies.

This is the whole reason that using the techniques designed for quick seduction work even after the first sexual encounter. Everything a man does or doesn't do has an impact on the equation above. And if either the "attraction" or the "comfort" part approaches zero, the woman will stop being interested in sex.

Just like with the initial approach, there are too common problems man face in handling their partners:

attraction < comfort -> no interest or nonsexual friendship


attraction > comfort -> woman will be frustrated and move on 

Striking the perfect balance between attraction and comfort is what great seducers and men in happy relationships excel at equally well. The only difference is situational. Building attraction with a stranger at a bar is superficially different from keeping it up with someone who shares your bed. And while holding attraction may be harder in a relationship than with someone you just met, it is often the lack of comfort that kills bar pick ups. Yet, at the core there still are those two variables only. And any "pick up" advice focused on the core principle rather than the situational implementation will serve a man well with women he meets on the regular.

As an example, here is an (altered) excerpt from Erik's new book ("The New and Improved Art of Seduction"):

Indicators of Interest: 
- Proximity
- Self-grooming
- Giving Attention
- Giggling
- Trying to Impress
- Showing Appreciation
- Allows Sexual Escalation

Indicators of Disinterest:
- Avoidance
- Impatience
- Crosses Arms
- Hand toss
- Drops Conversation
- Pushes away
- Disinterested


The original context of this exercise in cold reading a woman's body language was to educate men when to go for a kiss. But it should take little for any man who has ever been in a relationship to see how it relates to women in that context as well.

A man's behavior should always lead to the first list of responses with strange women he speaks to at a bar or coffee shop (it is a sure indication that he is an Alpha Male). Likewise, none of the reactions listed in the second paragraph should ever occur in the women he is with over longer time scales. Reading these two sets above with that in mind one immediately sees the amount of relationship problems that most men face. 


Importantly, reprimanding a woman for any of these negative signals is but poor damage control. Indicators of Disinterest are a symptom and not a cause. If a man does well in a relationship, his woman will remain on the side of Interest. In the next couple of posts we will delve deeper into the techniques a man can use to keep her there.

Late Night Conversations

"If you call woman
African woman no go ‘gree
She go say I be Lady o

I want tell you about Lady:

She go say him equal to man
She go say him get power like man
She go say anything man do
Him self fit do

African woman -

She know him manna Masster
She go cook for am
She go do anything he say
But Lady no be so 

Lady na Masster" 

[Fela Kuti - Lady] 

"This is my dream. Have you ever had [a] Chinese woman?" I see his eyes light up in the rear mirror. "I want [to] try [a] Chinese woman." What would be life without moments like these: Listening to an Ethiopian cab driver philosophy about women.

He had just finished praising the beauty of the women of his homeland, and now gets ready to marvel at the greener grass on the other side. Or so I thought. "What do you like about Chinese women?" I ask, to keep the conversation flowing.

He raises his hand, two of fingers outstretched, slowly, while leaving his eyes on the road. "They [are] not cut." He snaps his fingers as if they were scissors. It took me a while to understand what he was getting at. I cringe. It had never occurred to me that female genital cutting ("genital mutilation") is still employed frequently enough for me to encounter men who could tell me about their experience with women who underwent the procedure. 

"Are Ethiopian women usually cut?" I ask naively (later I should find out that it still is the norm for this and many other countries.). I wanted to learn more. He had somewhat reacted to my surprise and I was afraid he would stop talk openly about the matter. 

"Used to. Now less. Big problem, you know." He went on linking the cultural changes associated with that to the exploding divorce rate in his home country (I was surprised to find out later that it was 45%, in 2000 and climbing - with war and poverty accounted as main contributing factors). 

"So you do like a woman cut?" I ask after he finished his diatribe. "No. I like [to] touch woman uncut. You can tell, [that] woman [is] hot."

Women hold a certain power over men that is equal to the death penalty on a cosmic scale: Women can eliminate a man's genes from the gene pool - without his knowledge.

Life is nothing but the progression of one generation to the next. The meaning of the whole dance is to keep the dance going. Just as any other living being, we are primed to do just that. And this means that the male instinct is hypersensitive to the possibility of getting tricked into putting a life's resources into the offspring of a competitor. 

The extreme measure this African man described only makes sense if one takes this is into account. Men monopolize women, stone adulteresses to death and veil them in tank like clothing under the dessert sun. They even mutilate the very organs that cause sexual desire in women - for one reason only. They fear paternity theft. And what this cab driver described is that the certainty of having children of their own is worth even the decreased sexual pleasure that comes with frigid partners (interestingly this might not have been a problem before Westernization).

And it doesn't stop there. In Ghana, for example, it is the mother's brother (or uncle) rather than her husband who are the most important men in their lives. Men literally care more for their sister's families than their own. And this system is not unique to African culture. As an avid reader of this blog you might know, it also emerged in regions as remote as the polar caps. And again it is the chance of paternity theft that seems to give the best explanation for this bizarre cultural construct:
A tribal man can never know for sure whether the kids of his wife are his own. But the kids of his sister are definitely related to him, as she stems from the same mother's womb and her kids are definitely hers.

No matter what your political opinion is about these cultures, they all demonstrate one thing: The Power of Biology. As much as we like to see ourselves as rational beings with a free will that sets us apart from animals, a good look at how we live proves otherwise. 
Our genes don't just impact our personal decisions, they even influence our cultures. 

Relationship Game (I): Taken in Hand

"For a woman qua woman, the essence of femininity is hero-worship—the desire to look up to man. “To look up” does not mean dependence, obedience or anything implying inferiority. It means an intense kind of admiration; ... It means that a properly feminine woman does not treat men as if she were their pal, sister, mother—or leader."
Ayn Rand (About a Woman President)

Monad from MGTOW posted a link to an interesting web page at advocatus diaboli's blog the other day. Monad left no further comment. I was intrigued and clicked the link. On first sight, takeninhand.com seems like a web page for advocates of "traditional marriage". There are even links dedicated to Christian readers. But as one spends some time browsing through their material it gets increasingly clear that actually is about something entirely different.

There is little surprise that conservative minded people share the anti-feministic stance of certain parts of the seduction community (with some interesting exceptions). A good examples of this are the essays by Roger Devlin. Another would be the zeitgeist-opposed slut shaming of British tabloid Daily Mail. I even vaguely remember a link to a catholic web page to an essay about seduction theory.

Despite large agreement on the damage that feminism has caused to our lives as well as about the roles that women and men should have in relationships, there is also a point of disagreement. Conservatives are not interested in enabling men to live like Hugh Heffner. They push for monogamous, heterosexual marriage. And at first sight this web page is just that. But there is one interesting oddity that pops out:

"takeninhand.com" actually is a site about hot sex. It is about the ultimate achievement of satisfying sex for "attached" women, to be precise.

The fact that a conservative platform for traditional gender roles turns into the unlikely meeting point for women to celebrate their orgasms is another piece of evidence for the generally submissive nature of female sexuality. Or, to rephrase it, the genital moisturizing effect of socially dominant alpha males. It also does away wit the notion that male dominance is something that women enjoy within the confines of the bedroom only. A good seducer knows - sex always starts outside the bedroom.

The fact that these women seem surprised, and even ashamed, for their exploration of a patriarchal lifestyle, and the effect it has on their libido is telling about the state of our society. "Taken in hand" relationships are far from the Master/Slave sex games of BDSM. Yet, these women act as if their desire for a husband with leadership qualities was a naughty kink. The reason for that may be partly due to the powerful sexual effect that these women experience. But it is more likely that they fear that their return to "traditional" gender roles will be seen as anti-feminist and therefore politically incorrect.

There is certain irony in the fact that as feminism has grown from a movement demanding "gender equality" in every sphere of life into a society with cherry picked benefits for women while conserving male obligations under the disguise of gender sameness. And the number one benefit modern women gained from the women's movement is sexual liberation. In a way it is like women were trying to create a society that caters to their sexual needs and in the process they unknowingly eliminated some the most powerful stimulants.

Not every woman enjoys male dominance and leadership in this way. The fact that most do, however, proves the submissive nature of femininity. Sex lives of the contrast between two opposing poles, such as the feminine and the masculine. A lot of what Relationship Game is all about is to keep up this tension that makes for good sex. And with most women this means that a man needs to make sure he does not give up his masculinity. It is not the flowers and romantic dinners that will keep a committed woman coming back for more sex. No. What we can learn from the women asking to be taken in hand is that all it takes for that is to be a man.

Who Enjoys Sex more - or why Women are so Loud in Bed

I just came across Christopher Ryan's blog over at Psychology Today, and I truly enjoyed reading a dozen or so of his posts. Ryan got his Ph.D. in Psychology and is about to publish a book on prehistoric sex lives that he coauthored with his current life epoch partner. He is an evolutionary psychologist, and his blog focuses on how our ancestors' choices impact our lives today. Especially when to comes to sex.

 One of the recurring themes on his blog is the scratching, jerking, moaning, screaming and cursing that characterizes sex for women. He seems to share the curious wonder that scientists sometimes feel when the evidence they gathered blatantly contradicts mainstream belief. In this case, it is the common notion that men are ever horny "pigs" with nothing but sex on their mind versus the naturally coy, inhibited, self restraint women who merely "give" burdensome sex as a present of love to their life time mates.

Ryan rightfully wonders: "If females are so "coy," why do they announce sex to the neighbors?"

He goes on to note that female primates like to get noisy across a wide range of species, with "females of promiscuous primate species emit more complex mating calls than females of monogamous and polygynous species."A finding which makes perfect sense given our knowledge about sperm competition. By letting other males know that she just had sex, a primate female will increase her chances of collecting semen from multiple partners and let each mates sperm fight over the egg in order to ensure insemination from the fittest individual.

While this may be the ultimate reason, the proximate reason surely has more to do with what sex feels like for the two genders. Given a mutually pleasant sexual experience,women usually still are louder in bed than their partners because they cannot keep from doing so. This seems intuitive enough that even the ancient Greeks wrote about it (they even quantified women to have nine times more fun during sex than men). Ryan hypothesizes that the mainstream opinion about female libido differed drastically during those times. in other words, women are not inhibited in their sexuality. Women are inhibited to openly express and talk about their sexuality:
"Before we come to any conclusions about the weakness of female libido, we should consider ... the impact of thousands of years of cultural indoctrination on the free expression of female desire."

Why is that? Don't men and women alike suffer form a distorted public image of female sexual desire?

Yes and no. While women (and men) both profit from realizing the female naughtiness potential when it comes to having sex in the bedroom, there was ample reason to create a society in which bottomless female lust was a well kept secret.

As much as women enjoy men who know hows "what to do" in the bedroom and thereby allows for the guiltless expression of the slutty side that lingers deep inside her, there is even more to gain from a myth of sex being more pleasurable (and therefore of higher value) to men. Only if men believe that they profit more from sex than the women will they be willing to put in an effort and pay for dates - and not ask to get invited for dinner dates instead!

And there is a benefit for men as well. Event though the prevailing myth of the Puritan female soul robes the majority of men from enjoying limitless, wild crazy porn-star sex with their partners ("I am sure she wouldn't like that..."), it is that myth of low libido women which also prevents from realizing the Sword of Damocles above their heads. I will join Ryan by hinting at it using the words of a master:

"Now there you have a sample of man’s 'reasoning powers,' as he calls them. He observes certain facts. For instance, that in all his life he never sees the day that he can satisfy one woman; also, that no woman ever sees the day that she can’t overwork, and defeat, and put out of commission any ten masculine plants that can be put to bed to her. He puts those strikingly suggestive and luminous facts together, and from them draws this astonishing conclusion: The Creator intended the woman to be restricted to one man."
Mark Twain, Letters from the Earth

Relationship Game - The Prelude

As promised a while ago, starting with this post, I will start a series on the use of Game within relationships. This will be mostly relevant for guys who are interested in achieving more than short term sexual escapades as well as girls who are puzzled about men and their behavior when it comes to relationships. We will even touch on the issue of homosexual relationships, as their social dynamics are telling about our general human needs when it comes to long term mating.

In this prelude I will first investigate the need for Relationship Game. This relates to the question when a man can stop worrying about the things he learned during pick-up (tl;dr: never), as well as the question as to why a high status male might decide to spend more time with one and the same girl while he could go and meet many new ones instead. We will touch slightly on the overlap between between pick up game and relationship game, but delve deeper onto this issue within the next post of this series.

To start off, here is a quote from a recent post at roissy's blog about pick up and relationships that gets right at the heart of the issue:
"A sneering accusation often heard from the arid, anti-seduction crowd is that the self-professed pickup gurus are never seen with a girlfriend, or otherwise have trouble keeping a girl for longer than a few weeks. Pay it no heed. It is the feeble bleat of the envious and the insecure."

I believe that that he is right in that good seducers do not even manage to have fulfilling relationships, but make for the best partners in romantic relationships. The reason for that is that it takes a man to truly understand how women tick to avoid the many pitfalls that come with extended periods of time spent together. More than that, it takes an almost intuitive insight into social dynamics for a man to be prepared for what happens when a woman decides she want more than a one time shot from a guy:

"Relationships are merely a continuation of pickup by other means."

The reason that there is the lingering notion that men who use Game are men who stay outside/cannot keep up with relationships is two-fold:
1) Men who are good at seducing women will be far more selective than regular men (lacking options) in their decision of whom they enter a relationship with.
2) Aspiring PUAs often lack the skill to keep a woman interested for extended periods of time.

Both these cases illustrate a somewhat surprising point: In order to pick a woman up, you merely need to have social status than the other available men. It is relatively easy to be "alpha" for a few hours. But, in order to have her faithfully stay on your side, you will need to up that initial value substantially since the commitment alone lowered your social status from alpha to beta, and she will instinctively try to beta-ize you even more.

So, ironically,with regard to the amount of work you put in to game the women, it is easier to have one night stands than to be in a relationship.This is important since many men hearing about Game say they “just” want a monogamous relationship. Yet, what they seek is the hardest of all possible options:

If you lack Game, you are almost guaranteed to fail in your relationship (think: maternal frigidity, paternity theft, divorce etc).

If you have some Gaming skills, you can have more sex than most married men but you still might fail (think: the initial successes of PUAs, just to end up being dumped after a short time)

You need Game at the mastery level for initial attraction and long term attraction to avoid fail (think again about “just” having a girl friend)

There is almost no material out there on how to use what we learned as men about the female psyche for pick-up purposes within relationships (we will talk about the glorious exceptions in this and following posts). Yet, many men seek relationships (whether it is one or many; serial or in parallel). And this includes some of the greatest "Ladies Men" on the web. No wonder then that one of roissy's most popular posts was on relationship game. The success story roissy recounts of his reader "Dave in Hawaii" who turned around his ailing marriage thanks to what he learned about Game really is worth a read.

And Dave in Hawaii is not the only one. The other day I stumbled up a post by The Real Assanova wholinked to this blog on "Married Man Sex Life". I share Assanova's enthusiasm. This site is sheer excellence, even for us non-married guys. The author's autobiography sounds like that of Joe Average from Everytown, USA:
"I’ve never been overly excited about the idea of marriage... She always seemed to like the idea, and honestly I never really thought about what I was doing getting married. I just wanted to sleep with her. All. The. Time. So I just got married to her. No question of whether it was really a good idea or not."
The crucial difference to the standard story of Modern American Life is this:
"We’re hitting 15 years together, and apparently that’s twice the national average."
And how does he think he did that?
"My approach to marriage is part a married spin on Game, part Evolutionary Psychology, part Sex Ed, part Self-Help. Mostly it’s about learning what it is about you that unlocks the Holy Grail between your wifes legs."


The secret to his success is:

"Staying sexually attractive ... is a life long requirement."

And this is achieved via the Golden Rule of Relationship Game:

"Alpha Male traits build sexual attraction. Beta Male traits build relationship comfort. 

A male failing to supply either of these two generalized needs, will cause a female to become unhappy, and likely seek satisfaction outside the marriage, or simply become depressed and cut sex down to the minimum to sustain the relationship."

This really sums it up. While the easiest, fastest and most promising way of getting into a woman's pants is to come across as High Status Male, this is not sufficient for keeping her around. Likewise, it is easiest to default into a Provider Male role during  relationship, but it will get her to gradually lose any sexual interest. In order to have mind blowing sex with the same woman over and over again, a man needs to be able to juggle both opposing forces.

This is why there is need for Relationship Game. It is the most desirable of women only who a man of options would like to see (and do) more than once. And it is the most desirable women who demand the highest degree of this kind of double-satisfaction.