Monday, February 14, 2011

Being Comfortable With Women Pt 1: just me and the cat

After last week's little tragedy, a palate cleanser for y'all.

One of the most important things for a man to be able to do is to turn off the inner pussy-calculator. That is, turn off the horndog and interact with women — even attractive women — with no sexual overtones at all.

Hopefully, for most of you this goes without saying. Probably the first thing that springs to mind is the workplace environment. That's a dangerous place to spit game. Although, of course, a great many women are dying for you to do it; and game properly executed will decrease your chances of awkwardness and sexual harrassment suits by about 95%. [And it always helps to remember: 1) Be Handsome, 2) Be Attractive, and 3) Don't Be Unattractive.] Still, in today's climate, one can never be too careful.

Sometimes you need to turn off your inner player for the sake of your greater humanity. I suppose you could be the kind of person who is thinking about getting laid when consoling a woman over the death of her brother (or some such tragedy), but I'll pass. I get laid enough without having to stoop to being a chitinous shit-heel.

A few years ago I lived in an apartment with three women and no other males except the cat. (That cat and I used to bro down.) I grew up with three sisters and no brothers, in a pretty tight-knit family, so I don't feel strange being surrounded by females. In fact it feels quite natural to me. The girls who put out the craigslist ad mentioned that they preferred a female or a gay man but that they were "open to anyone cool."

After seeing the apartment and deciding it was where I wanted to live, I simply explained to them that I grew up with three sisters, and that living with three women seemed perfectly mundane to me. They called me the next day to offer me the room.

Now, I'm not claiming I was blind or on complete auto-pilot while I was there. The girls were a 5, a 6, and an 8, and I noticed them (especially the 8, natch). But I had already decided that I was going to live there, and the sanctity of a man's castle is worth more than a couple of blow jobs. It's a simple metric: by avoiding drama in the home, I was freeing myself to get more sex, not less. There were three women inside my city apartment; but there were approximately 4.1 million outside of it. If I was to be able to bring those girls home, I needed a home life free from drama.

All three of the girls were nice people, and easy to get along with. The 5 had a boyfriend across town and so I almost never saw her (the ideal roommate: pays the rent and is never home). The 6 was pretty uptight about her career and usually disappeared into her room at 8 pm after cooking her all-natural vegan dinner. The 8, however, was younger — about 24 — and liked to drink and hang out. I'll call her "Thalia" because her extremely long, pretty hair reminded me of a Greek muse or nymph. Women who aren't dirty hippies or club skanks with extensions rarely let their hair get as long as Thalia's was. But hers was about as lovely and silky and thick as you can imagine, and it was nearly down to her ass. Also, she was pretty.

Thalia and I became friends, often dropping by the other's room with two beers in hand, to sit and chat and smoke cigarettes out the window. We had a mutual understanding. We both liked each other, and we secretly teamed up against the other two, more uptight people in the house, though more in an esprit-de-corps kind of way than out of any real malice or bitterness. We smoked and drank beer and they didn't, so we had fun being "the bad ones." Harmless, friendly camaraderie.

I was never overtly sexual around Thalia for the reasons I just mentioned. But I do have a certain amount of natural game, mainly in the form of body language, self-confidence, and generally not caring what women think of me. So even though I never started calculating how best to game Thalia, it wouldn't be quite accurate to say I never gamed her. I just never tried.

Today's lesson is merely a reminder to keep yourself under control and keep your humanity. There are people out there who recommend you should basically be thinking about game 100% of the time. These people are assholes. They are boring to be around, and they tend to reek of desperation. Part of being attractive to women is being a well-rounded person. And part of being a well-rounded person is enjoying friendships without sex.

Since my "Little Tragedies" post was about a lesbian, I should probably mention that Thalia was also a lesbian.

But more about that in Part 2 of Being Comfortable With Women, to be subtitled, "Little Triumphs."


  1. game is a skill, for a time and place, after awhile, it does happen. there have been times when i knew that my aloof demeanor was working like a magnet. so i'd overtly throw in some dorky bullshit comments just to kinda try to blow some chick off, make her disinterested so my boy or a buddy in our group could work his talk game.

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