Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Relationship Game (II) - The Basics

Imagine a world without any research, books, videos, web sites and blogs about seduction. Without any of the existing knowledge that we have, how do you think would the ideal educative material for men look like?

I believe it would take the form of a technical manual. A step-by-step guide, focused on the issue with clear concepts and a formalized, algorithmic problem solving. Just like one of these books that help you fix your car. Except it would be about women.

And this is precisely why Erik Markovic's Mystery Method has been so tremendously successful (it is fair to say that most other "schools" of seduction are just variants of his original approach).

Erik integrated the combined wisdom of the then small seduction community into a simple scheme. On the practical side, he divided the process of seduction into separate phases that dealt with two seemingly opposing theoretical concepts:


Over the many years that I have spoken with women about these topics, not a single one has ever questioned this fascinatingly simple concept. A woman needs both attraction and comfort to have sex with a man. On the flip side this means that the only obstacles to having sex with a woman is that she a) either isn't attracted to you, or b) not comfortable with the idea.

The important realization when it comes to relationships is that this law still applies.

This is the whole reason that using the techniques designed for quick seduction work even after the first sexual encounter. Everything a man does or doesn't do has an impact on the equation above. And if either the "attraction" or the "comfort" part approaches zero, the woman will stop being interested in sex.

Just like with the initial approach, there are too common problems man face in handling their partners:

attraction < comfort -> no interest or nonsexual friendship

attraction > comfort -> woman will be frustrated and move on 

Striking the perfect balance between attraction and comfort is what great seducers and men in happy relationships excel at equally well. The only difference is situational. Building attraction with a stranger at a bar is superficially different from keeping it up with someone who shares your bed. And while holding attraction may be harder in a relationship than with someone you just met, it is often the lack of comfort that kills bar pick ups. Yet, at the core there still are those two variables only. And any "pick up" advice focused on the core principle rather than the situational implementation will serve a man well with women he meets on the regular.

As an example, here is an (altered) excerpt from Erik's new book ("The New and Improved Art of Seduction"):

Indicators of Interest: 
- Proximity
- Self-grooming
- Giving Attention
- Giggling
- Trying to Impress
- Showing Appreciation
- Allows Sexual Escalation

Indicators of Disinterest:
- Avoidance
- Impatience
- Crosses Arms
- Hand toss
- Drops Conversation
- Pushes away
- Disinterested

The original context of this exercise in cold reading a woman's body language was to educate men when to go for a kiss. But it should take little for any man who has ever been in a relationship to see how it relates to women in that context as well.

A man's behavior should always lead to the first list of responses with strange women he speaks to at a bar or coffee shop (it is a sure indication that he is an Alpha Male). Likewise, none of the reactions listed in the second paragraph should ever occur in the women he is with over longer time scales. Reading these two sets above with that in mind one immediately sees the amount of relationship problems that most men face. 

Importantly, reprimanding a woman for any of these negative signals is but poor damage control. Indicators of Disinterest are a symptom and not a cause. If a man does well in a relationship, his woman will remain on the side of Interest. In the next couple of posts we will delve deeper into the techniques a man can use to keep her there.


  1. The attraction + comfort thing is exactly right. You have to manage both in a LTR constantly.

  2. Explain how a women can sleep with a gang banger, serial killer or psychopath? I don't think anyone would feel "comfort" being with them. But some how they all seem to get mad poon. I think attraction is all that matters. Girls will forgo comfort for extreme attraction... example James Bond.

  3. Explain how a women can sleep with a gang banger, serial killer or psychopath?

    Some women require very little comfort.

  4. "Some women require very little comfort."

    Or back to my point that extreme attraction or excitement can replace comfort totally. Women aren't rational they think with their emotions. Comfort isn't a strong emotion, attraction and excitement are and can influence behavior.

    Do you know how many more women jumped in the sack and looked more aroused when I told them about violence and danger?

    The only time women want comfort is marriage or with a beta. Risk is the opposite of comfort. Women are attracted and fuck the bad boys and marry the Poindexter.

  5. One may get the sex without providing enough comfort but it will not be good sex, and in that case, why bother? The more comfortable the girl is, the more she will relax and become uninhibited which equals better, best and even explosive/passionate sex.

  6. "The only time women want comfort is marriage or with a beta."
    Maybe that is why the post is titled RELATIONSHIP GAME.

  7. I didn't know you guys never had a purely physical relationship with women. Good sex? You gotta be kidding. Comfort has little to do with it. Goes back to the point that women will sleep with serial killers if the attraction is high enough.

    Every relationship should be a combination of attraction + man's confidence.

  8. ok, this comments are really stupid. PLEASE post the other in the series.

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